Unity through Freedom

Before I get philosophical, I will share my current adventures! I arrived in Tulum early one morning after a all nighter on a bus. I dropped my bags at the nearest hostel and caught a shuttle to the beach. Reconnecting with the Caribbean sea is an absolute treat. I floated, swam, twisted and embraced the white sand between my toes. Tulum beaches are miles long, brilliantly glowing white, smooth caribbean waters, and are lined with yoga studios, hotels, kite surfing, and restaurants. It is quite a happening place buzzing with bikes and travelers. Off the beach stands an amazing Mayan city. You can pay and walk on a tour through the ruins, or you can do a I did: swam there, walked through seas of tourists in a speedo, and then be escorted out by the lifeguard! Tons of fun playing in the ocean.

Tulum happens to be the home of many, many Cenotes (water caves). I was blessed to go diving through two of the cenotes: The Pit, and Dos Ojos. My private German guide, Lisa, and I began the day with a 8 meter or so jump off a cliff into the Pit. This massive hole is filled with fresh water and salt water below. We dove over 30 meters down, spiraling down the limestone walls. At this great depth, a cloud formed. We played in the cloud for a bit, shining our flashlights through the floating phenomenon. Looking up at the light was fascinating. The sun rays brilliantly sparkling as they made their way into the Pit. Dos Ojos was absolutely incredible. We never went deeper than 10 meters, but we traveled through long tunnels filled with sparkling stalagtites and stalagmites. After about 25 minutes through the cenotes, we surfaced in the Bat Cave. Under ground, with only a small hole where light entered, we floated. Wahe Guru, one of my favorite experiences in the water and the darkness!

Today I rented a motorbike and shredded the coast most of the day. I made it up to Akumal, where I jumped out, stretched on the beach and entered the sea grass filled sea. Within minutes I began spotting sea turtles effortlessly flying through the water. Bliss. A spotted eagle ray joined us in a feast of life and joy. A day of loving the ocean and all she provides for us.

Last night I met a man named Freedom. He is an experienced Rainbow-er. We talked about my experience and he helped me to remember the role of the ´Joker´or ´lucifer´ or ´vampires,´whatever you call them. Where they are chaos exists, and unity is disrupted. In order to have an experience that is pure and in truth, one must create the world around them. Rather than controlling situations with expectations, we let go and go with our hearts. When we submit to the one force in compassion and love, all good things find us. Our lives are fulfilled. Until then, the Joker has power over us. I truly believe that when we are all living our truth in Freedom, we will unite again as one.  

Adventure through Guatemala, up to Rainbow

Wow. Epic journey so far. I am currently in Palenque, Mexico, waiting for my overnight bus to Tulum (Caribbean beach).

Leaving San Marcos was a huge shift. So much energy was created and shared on the lake, and I felt as though I was leaving behing a massive vortex. It felt wonderful! I left with Sufi, Andres, and two other friends. We piled in Andres 1960s VW and made the trip up the Quetezltango mountains up to Fuentes Georginas. Back in the jungle, among the butterflies and trees filled with life and vines, hot mineral water gushes from the earth. I stayed a couple of nights up the mountain, soaking in the springs and exploring the woods. These particular baths are the hottest springs I have ever been too, and extremely healing. I found that spending maximum time in the heat, then maximum time stretching in the freezing cold shower is the ultimate equation for purification. It also gives you an experience of your own infinite nature (try and you shall see! but the water has to be extreme in both directions).

After the springs, we made our way through Guatemala city and Coban to Semuc Champey. This is a magical space where tide pools have formed on crystal clear river water. We stayed in a cabin right on the river and spent the days bathing and meditating. The highlitht was the cave trip. In the mountain their lies a massive water cave. A guide give you a candle and leads a group on an epic journey through the cave for about 8 dollars. In the pitch black cave, you are required to swim at some points, holding your candle above the water as you tread through the narrow rocks. So much fun! At one point, the guide takes your candle, gives you a rope, and watches as you climb about 10 feet up a gushing waterfall in the complete darkness. I have no idea how some people finish the tour. On top of this, there is a spot where you can jump off a 15 ft cliff or so into the water. Again, in pitch dark. Totally wild, but I felt at home in the darkness. At points I would blow my candle out and leave the group to dwell in the cave alone. A young girl exclaimed, You really are a cave man!

From Semuc, we headed up to Tikal. I woke up at 3:30 AM, made my way to the ruins and joined a tour group for sunrise. We climbed the ancient mayan pyramids in the complete darkness. Our guide demonstrating how the Mayans built certain structures to amplify the sound or direct it in a certain way. Absolutely outstanding. We sat atop the massive pyramid under the massive sky as the sun began to rise. I tried to focalize everyones energy towards a group prayer for mother earth and was yelled at by a guard. He told me to go to church to pray. Hopefully one day we will unite as one again. The sunrise was absolutely amazing. The jungle began to come alive with howler monkeys, morning mist, tucans, and all sorts of crawling critters. I sat in amazement at the Mayan ruins illuminated before my eyes. The pyramids were built with such precise intention. It is very inspirational.

The ruins led me up to Palenque and to the Rainbow Gathering. Upon arriving, I met many wonderful brothers and sisters. I was immediately taken into a camp and given a blanket to sleep with. I announced that I would be willing to teach a Sunrise Kundalini class, and then it all took off! The first day, I spread the word like crazy, and people seemed real interested. I rounded up a couple musicians, and hoped for the best. The class started with a handful, but after tuning in, people began to pile in. With live music, serious pranayam, and over 40 people, the class rocked. Everyone was buzzing around camp the whole day and asked for another class. Day two, 70 people showed up and a drummer playing the Hang Drum took us into the theres. Amazing. Day three was epic. It was 12|12|12 and a new moon. I really amped people up at dinner, and over 100 people came to my class. It was by far the largest, most powerful class I ever taught. Every walk of nature was in the class, from young to old, from naked to clothed. We had an amazing guitarist, a drummer, and a man playing 7 singing bowls. We vibrated together, danced like animals, and then the sky opened up and started raining on us. People stayed, we formed a Tantric Circle, and chanted Wahe Guru for the healing energy of the earth for about a half an hour. People cried, laughed, shared hugs, and shared delicious gifts and healing energy with me! My whole teaching experience has changed dramatically after this experience. It was such an honor to sit in front of such a large group, and I will continue to do it. Other yoga teachers approached me about teaching, and I gladly gave them my time slot and space. Since I was not going to teach any more, I decided to leave. Many people wanted to discuss their experiences and ask for advice, and I am happy to share, but it became draining. At this Rainbow, there was little space to be by yourself.  Now I feel like I need a vacation! So, I decided to head to the beach and be in silence for a couple of days.

I reconnected with Bali Bob at the Rainbow. It was amazing to see a brother from the Caribbean. We shared many laughs around the fire. Bob is a complete Merman and it was a please to hang with him!

Now we shift dimensions! Align your spine and all falls into harmony.

Thank you Great Central Sun

I can safely say: I do not know anything. Like the Koran says, it is in God´s hands. Since my last post, I have become more aware of my words. How they affect people, relationships, and everything in the environment. In the past, I have sat down at a computer and poured my heart out while I blogged. Little hesitation saying anything and rarely deleting a word while I wrote. After my experience in the dark, I now I have a new value for words. If we are able to stay in our heart spaces with purity of thought, then Wahe Guru! Since most of us our clouded by subconscious thought, patterns, and impressions, our words may have a different effect than what was intended. For this reason, I am hesitant to write a blog anymore. For now, I will do my best to stay present and will see how I feel afterwards.

I spent this past week or so 30 minutes outside of town. In order to reach the house, you must take a rugged trail through cornfields as elevation rapidly increases. The house is simple. A one room house with no electricity, an outside solar shower, a compostable toilet, no way of preserving food, but it is amazing. Ajna does a nice job of creating a conscious, peaceful environment that is very welcoming. The view of the lake and volcanoes is epic and you can watch the sun rise and set in the same day. Morning sunrise solar gazing proved to be a heartwarming start to the day and quite the change from the darkness. I spent most of my days on the mountain basking in the sun, playing music, singing with the birds, exploring the area for wild fruits, reading about visionary plants, and reconnecting to my divinity. Overall, it was a smooth, quiet transition from the darkness to the light.

 I would probably still be up on the mountain if the police did not show up!  The other day my friend, Yos, was on his way to meet me for an adventure to a few local farms. I glanced out the window to see if he was arriving and was a little shocked to see two police men trudging up the mountain in the morning sun. I was barked at to come out of the house and make my way to the mud adobe that is mid-construction. One cop, we can call him Chuck, had an unbuttoned shirt, a massive belly, and was holding one of Ajna´s marijuana plants shaking his head. The other cop, Larry?, asked me if they were my plants. I did my best to communicate in Spanish what the situation was. I had just finished a Kundalini yoga set and was feeling super blissed out, so I smiled and laughed as I explained the reasoning behind my presence at the house and the crop of marijuana growing. Chuck put his hand on his gun, made a gesture like he was going to handcuff me, then explained that they could bring me to jail for this. In the middle of his threats, Yos arrived. He is a Chinese yogi, speaks zero Spanish, and stood there shirtless and shoeless with a bewildered look on his face. Larry explained to me that the alternator in their car was not working properly and they could really use my help to pay for it. If I could just give them$40-50 then they would forget about the plants. He seemed sincere, but the whole situation was absolutely ridiculous. It all seemed like a cartoon to me. Chuck continued to circle the plants, shaking his head, whispering ¨mal, mal¨, and gesturing that he was going to hand cuff me. I let Larry gently know that it was not possible to give him any money and perhaps his station could fix the patrol car. He asked if Yos could ¨help¨ them out, which received a quick shake of Yos´ head followed by a move to grab his phone. When the cops saw Yos grab his phone, they put their hands up in the air and quickly demanded Yos put the phone down. You would think Yos was the one with a gun by the way they reacted. In the end, they gave up. I exhaled and strolled down the mountain with a whole new perspective on life.

The cops told me they would be back in the morning. My peaceful sanctuary quickly turned into an unsafe zone. I have no interest in dealing with policemen. Early the next morning, I packed my bag and headed back to San Marcos. Luckily, I have a few friends here that have graciously offered to open their space for me. I will stay one more night in the pyramid house, and then I will leave in the morning to Fuentes Georginas, hot springs in the middle of the jungle! 

I just finished reading ¨The Ringing Cedar, ¨ an absolutely incredible book detailing the teachings of a Russian Goddess called Anastasia. I am in absolute shock that this novel just came across my path! I do believe the words of Anastasia, and I hope to reconnect to Mother Earth the way she is. Thoughts of Alaska and Hawaii have entered my reality. Kauai has been calling me for a few years and another Alaskan summer to gain clarity on my being. I had the opportunity to teach sunrise yoga with the full moon at Kaivalya. Seven people arrived and ready to experience their own infinity. We had a great time, probably my favorite class I have ever taught. At the end of class, tears were streaming down the cheeks of 3 young ladies. I graciously received many hugs, smiles and warmth from a room full of energy and open hearts. 

As of now, I am being called to nature, music, and art. At the same time, my being is craving to have an outlet for teaching. The time is approaching where I will get out my own way and deliver the mail of universal love. The cosmic light filling earth with energy grows stronger every day. Open and you shall receive.

Wahe Guru!

Into the Light, out of Darkness

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I signed up for the darkroom. Twice in my life have I spent  one day in silence, let alone 11 days in dark isolation. Needless to say, the reality of the situation hit me pretty quick one the door closed behind me...

The dark room in San Marcos located outside of town on the side of a mountain. It is basically a cave - stone walls, low ceiling (7 ft), and very tiny. I had a bed, yoga mat, meditation pillow, shelf for my belongings, ¨compost¨ bucket to poop in, a pee bucket, and a small circle bucket to shower in. I was cool with the set up, simple and to the point. Twice a day Arpi and Arjuna would pass me food through a little slot in the wall. They rang a bell and I knew it was safe to get my food since they sealed it from their side. I would write them notes in the dark if I needed a change in diet, water, a change in a bucket, or whatever. Every two day I would hide under the blankets and they would come in to empty the pee bucket and shower bucket. That was the scedule for 11 days. In the morning, I ate a watermelon and papaya with lime. For lunch, a cucumber and two bananas. For dinner, 4 Avacados with lime and moringa (green superfood) and a papaya.  I was eating lots of spirulina and would occasionally eat ceremonial Cacao that I brought in with me. My simple diet combined with yoga had an wonderful effect on my overall being.

I was let in the room right after lunch. I went from blazing hot sun, to dark cold cave very quickly. My body reacted by immediately getting tired and crashing out. The first day was a haze mixed with excitement, sleep, and meditation. Day two came quick, and I thought I could get used to this real quick. I adopted a flow throughout the day to keep me busy that stayed constant throughout the 11 days. It went something like this: 

Wake up super early. Yost, a serious yogi from China, spent 49 days in the darkroom before me. He would be staying in the apartment above me since Arpi and Arjuna found a new house to live in. It was good deal because he was carrying lots of light and he is super quiet. He woke up super early to do his practice every morning, so I was always up many hours before sunrise (although I did not know this until after I left the rooma and talked to Yost about his habits). When I woke, I immediately began a strong yoga practice. Over the course of the 11 days, I dropped all rigidity and began to flow however I wanted to. It was absolutely incredible. For the first time since I started studying yoga (8 years or so) I found myself. The darkness allowed me to completely listen to my inner teacher without distraction. I forgot about the Rules of Kundalini Yoga or any yoga. I just did whatever I pleased. Quickly, I found myself doing insane amounts of squats, hip openers, and groin openers. Forever these have been poses I have avoided because they are so painful for me. When I studied Kundalini Yoga, I thought I could just skip over my lower chakras and just build the higher ones. I definitely piled Love and intense energy into my being, but I forgot about my root. My base, my connection to the Mother. Being in this dark Womblike cave, I was guided to open and connect to the eart. With all the time in the worl on my hands, I listened. Hundreds of squats a day in all sorts of positions, lunges, martial arts lower body exercises, and countless downward dogs led me my body cracking, popping and opening. Emotions were coming up from all different angles very quickly.

On the second day, the largest earthquake in 40 years roared. In meditation, I felt like I was surfing on the earth as my belongings were crashing off the shelf. This was just one of many earthquakes while I was in the darkroom. I accepted this as a sign from the earth that it was time to shake things up. Everymorning I danced for about 20 minutes. Shaking and twisting in every way my body wanted to. It is amazing how quickly I limber up when I shake. Absolutely bliss. 

On the 3rd day, I thought I was going to go insane. That day was hardest thing I have ever voluntarily put myself through. The thought of Danielle and rememberance of my deep love for her swept over me. I lost it. I cried my eyes out all day. I could not believe that I put myself in this damn dark hole. What was I thinking? It seemed so intense at the time. I wanted to leave so badly, but I knew that nothing was waiting for me outside of the room. I needed to face my fears. That is what I went into darkness to do. At my lowest moment, I promised myself that I would never put myself in this sort of situation again. No more austere crazy practices. I just want to enjoy life. I began drumming on my djembe and singing all sorts of songs. I wrote myself a note that day that reads ¨Scorpions all dressed in suits. Scorpions, red white and blue. Darkness. Seeded in me is misery. I said Darkness¨ 

The experience never got much easier because I was holding so much pain from my break up with Danielle. I  never again felt like I was going to go insane though, instead, I stayed busy. After morning yoga, I would eat my watermelon in bliss. While waiting to digest, I would play my Ukulele, drum, and sing. On the 8th night, Arjuna let me borrow his Harmonium for the last 3 days. It was the greatest gift I have ever received. I found 3 simple chords, CFG, and sang every mantra I knew over them for hours a day. At times, music was my savior in the darkness. Hearing the sweet notes sing from my ukulele, or to watch the incredible drum beats that my drum danced to. Absolutely amazing. On the 4th day I became inspired to devote my being to embracing creative expression. It is where I find the most bliss and my mind is most clear. At some point, I would love to have a warehouse where I can splatter paint everywhere, play music, and gather with friends, family, and students. Through creative expression, dance, and opening my lower body, I came to a huge realization: I am a Goddess! I have been embracing and building my Yang God self for my whole life. I created huge seperation between male and female, and this caused me to rely on the opposite sex to be fulfilled. In Taoism, they say that you have an internal infinite Yin Yang energy from your sexual organs to you heart. When you connect to this energy, you are complete and will find happiness always inside of you. It is time for me to embrace my inner Goddess. When I opened this connection, she graced me with a beautiful pink lotus flower that fell on my crown during meditation and filled me with supreme bliss. When we open and allow our inner being to fill us, love pours in and around us. Wahe Guru!

After music, I would usually practice Sexual Kung Fu. An Taoist system of sublimating sexual energy into the core of your being, rather than keeping it pent up or losing it through genital orgasm. By building up the energy, then using muscles and mind power, you draw the energy into your bodies microcosmic energetic orbit. The sexual energy nourishes your spine, brain, and then runs down your front channel where it is stored in your belly. An incredible practice that can lengthen you life, allow a man to become multi orgasmic, strengthen your body and mind, nourish your soul, and allow you to have a kick ass love life. Everyone is so obsessed with exercising our bodies, but barely anyone exercises their sexual muscles. Wow, we could all be having a lot more fun and be completely fulfilled without losing energy through haphazard sexual experiences. Our sexual energy is our greates power. Ancient wisdom through Taosim and tantra shows us that we can utilize this energy for sustained bliss. Rather than a quicky that leaves you depleted, hungry, and wanting more. This practice is rapidly enhancing my life, Mantak Chia´s literature on the practice of sexual kung fu is incredible. Check it out if you please. 

God = everything. I love God. Therefore, I love everything. For a long time I was trying to zap negative emotiong with rays of light and love. The darkness helped me to remember to embrace these emotions rather than to fight them. When I love my pain, I let it go, and it is transmuted. Also, if I am upset or angry about something, aren´t I really just angry at myself. Since God = everything and I  = God, then I = everything. Weird...when this hit me, I shuttered. Any emotion I feel, I am really feeling it towards myfself. Hence the saying ¨everything is just a reflection of you¨. And why Christianity tells us ¨Love your neighbor as you would love yourself¨¨ I heard and read these words numerous times. They never clicked until my higher self connected them to me here on earth. I do not expect anyone to buy into these words, but sit with yourself. Feel deep inside of you. Why do you feel certain ways? Hmmm....curious.

I live life intensely. This has led to extreme ups and downs. Kyle once said to me ´You never leave any stone unturned´. True, I like to live and experience things to the fullest. But for many years now I have been trying to fit into some sor of mold. Some sort of structure that would define me. This has led me into extremes that I  served me at the time, but are no longer a concern of me. When I started practicing yoga, I defined myself as a ¨yogi¨. I strived to be the best yogi I could be. Waking up super early, practing hard, eating pure, going through periods of celibacy, abstaining from alcohol and drugs, etc. etc. Little voices popped in my head ´What would Yogi Bhajan do?¨ I found myself quoting him and ultimately living a lie. I was not following my heart. This caused me to lash out against myself. I would go on periods of binge drinking, smoking tons of pot, eating unhealthy, not meditating. I would crash, beat myself up, then fast and swear everything off again. This cycle has repeated for the past 6 years or so, each time getting a little less extreme. Thank the Lord that I finally connected to myself in the darkroom. And to be honest, I don´t give a shit what Yogi Bhajan would do, or Jesus, or Buddha or anyone else. In fact, I only care what my heart and higher self would do. I have not been here before so how can I be defined? I am no one else, I am everyone else. No judgement on myself will serve me anymore. I am in the wind, and ready to float effortlessly through existence. I got so pissed off in that room that I punched the ground, screamed, banged a drum, and recognized my souls desire for a huge change. It is time to celebrate. 2012 is here. Wahe Guru! We are the people we have been waiting for. I am I am. Blasting light up to the heavens, receiving from the earth, and being showered with golden light from the Universe. No more of this intense behavior for me. I am going on Auto Pilot graced by the direction of my higher self. My rational mind is still fighting me because it doesn´t want to let go, but fuck it, I am done fighting. The mentality that I have held on to my whole life as a ¨warrior¨ is only creating a war. Even if I called myself a Rainbow Warrior, then I am creating an opponent. Mother Theresa said she would never go to an Anti-war rally, but would attend any rally for Peace. I get it now. I am a peaceful being here to bring light and Love. No more war, no more effort. Just fun. A thirst for life, joy, and love. I only aspire to be what I already am. Love thyself, Wahe Guru.

After Sexual Kung fu, I would usually drop for Sat Kriya or another sort of meditation. Continuing to move the energy that I built up. Pranayaam was very intense during this time. Withing minutes I could make my whole body buzz with life. After about 7 days in darkness, I began seeing all sorts of light everywhere. There was always light moving through my consciousness. I found that intense squats always led to a huge golden mandala right above my third eye, pranayaam resulted in scattered light, and deep meditation many times led to an extremely condensed, bright ball of light that I could never fully look at. If I laid down and lost focus, I would often see what seemed to be the night sky filled with brilliant stars. My dreams were always extremely vivid. I dreamt many times over of the ocean. Scuba diving, sailing, or just observing the ocean in my dreams. I also dreamt of an earth shift. One where we were sent into a different orbit and the night sky was filled with all diffent sorts of planets and celestial bodies. It was wonderful to have the space, silence, and darkness to observe the effects that certain exercises or breathwork had on my brain. Again, I always had the most profound visuals after doing a series of squats and then standing up. Mandalas made of Golden light that could never be replicated due to their intricate nature and ultimate perection.

From day 9 on, anticipation really kicked in. Originally I signed up for 9 days, then extended it to 11 because I wanted a DMT experience. When day 9 came, I wanted to get out of there very badly. I stuck it out though, hoping to find some sort of bliss. Insanity kept trying to creap back in on me, and I had to continue with a strong yoga practice to keep my body tired enough to sleep and my mind off of the outside world. I showered once a day in cold water, squatting in a little tub with little water pressure. It was not the most pleasant shower, but I always felt refreshed and renewed after my rinse off. Always taking time to unknot my hair and massage my body with macadamia nut oil. A shower usually meant my day was winding down. One more music session, dinner, and then hip opening yoga followed by meditation and sleep. Once day 9 hit though, I had so much energy I barely slept. Maybe a few hours a night. It was tough for me to keep my mind occupied, so I fell back into many dramas involving Danielle. I am pretty sure I relived our entire relationship over again a few times. Many vivid memories of bliss in Hawaii. I cried for my beautiful friend, and sent her love over and over again. I know we cannot be together, but I love her with every bit of energy in my mind, body, heart and soul. My mind would try and create situations where we could be together once again, and it would leave me in a pile of tears. I learned to pick myself up, enjoy the good memories, appreciate my time with her, and embrace everything for what it is. Thank you sweet Danielle for everything you gifted me with.

Yost woke me up with a yoga practice at 1 am on my last night in the darkroom. He was excited I was getting out at sunrise and wanted to greet me, so he started his yoga extra early. I was super confused because I fell asleep and was immediately woken up by his heavy yoga asanas. I figured it was the usual time, a little before sunrise (I could hear roosters crowing in the morning usually as the sun rose). I rose, and began yoga. Hours passed and I was so confused. Arjuna and Arpi were suppossed to greet me a little before sunrise. I decided to let myself out of the darkroom and see meditate under the stars, if they were still out!

I walked out, opened my eyes, and almost fell over. The starred filled sky was spinning at great speeds and my knees felt wobbly beneath me. My perception of everything had drastically changed. I made the move to get on all fours and slowly moved to a dark space where I could star gaze. The stars filled me with complete love. I will always appreciate them more after this experience. Within minutes, a shooting star blazed across the sky filling my being with love and joy. I made my way towards the woods, but almost fell off the staircase I was climbing, so I dropped again to all fours and slowly made my way back into the dark. I figured best to wait there until someone could safely accompany me out into the light. 

Light exploded from the back of my head when I went back into the dark space. All of the sudden, I could see my shadow in the complete darkness. Behind me, a glowing orb shined. I sat and meditated on this orb. Nothing happened, but this was without a doubt one of the coolest experiences I have ever witnessed. An orb of light following me...wild.

I watched the blazing sun rise over the volcanos of Lake Atitlan with supreme bliss. Hummingbirds sipped the nectar of flowers all around me, clouds played tricks, friends smiled, and I was back into the light. My whole being was vibrating and continued to for the majority of the day. I ate breakfast and showered with a new appreciation for everything. An absolute rebirthing. 

Since the darkroom, things have unfolded rapidly. Sufi moved into a pyramid sort of house and invited me to stay in her extra bed the first night I was out. I climbed trees, picked oranges and other wild fruits, danced on the earth, bathed in the sun, and ate as much fruit as I wanted. Looking at myself in the mirror was refreshing and very enjoyable. I saw an inner radiance and child that I missed seeing in the mirror. Tears filled my eyes throughout the day.

The following day, Keith (the Cacao Shaman) was having a ceremony. It was to be my first ceremony with him, and I was super excited. He opened the space with a fun, light hearted attitude that filled my spirit. I drank the ceremonial cacao, sat, and began meditating with the 5 other beings there. Keith walked us through different visualizations and a couple people began weeping. Keith worked with individuals and eventually got to me. He totally broke me down. He made me slouch and look at the girl crying next to me. I watched as he worked with her, then turn to me and in many words told me to relax, let go, stop trying to be this perfect yogi...I listened and I tried my best to feel.

In the dark I had a dream where I was in a house in Stoney Creek on the water. A brick wall had been built up to hold the ocean back but a tsunami or something was coming. I could hear a man say ¨here it comes.¨ Waves started crashing against the wall, bending the bricks. I was extremely frightened that the wall might break, so I fled the house as the waves continued to crash. When I shared this dream with Sufi and Arpi, they both agreed that I was holding emotions back (hence water). With Keith and the Cacao spirit, I revisited this wall. I did everything to try and break it down. Dig under it, wack it, any and everything. After many minutes of failing, Bubba came to me. He was in his Dragon form. (Bubba is my familys Black lab. During a few shamanic journeys he has come to me as a dragon, one of my spirit animals). I jumped on Bubbas back and he began whacking the wall with his tail. I held on to his neck tight and felt all the love in the world for this wonderful being. I felt it returned unconditionally. He would do anything for me. I love him so much, and the wall started to break. Tears started flowing and did not stop for the next hour or so. Bubba is my happy place. During my crying we ran through the woods, he breathed fire, we swam in oceans, and I let it all go.

I love nature, and I will do my best to try and help her in any way that I can.

When I left the ceremony, the universe gave me a beautiful gift. A yogi friend, Ajna, left yesterday for the Rainbow gathering. She needed someone to stay at her house while she was gone. I happened to be there, and now I am staying at an amazing space way up in the mountains. I watched the sunrise over the volcanoes across the lake this morning and could hear nothing other than the singing of birds. I am completely in nature with an amazing space to let my energies integrate. I am about a 20 minute walk from town and will be visiting Keith again on Wednesday to continue opening my emotional body and working on transmuting the pain that surrounds me. I feel blessed. I love you all. 

Into the Womb of Darkness

Blessings!

Since my last post I have been on an absolute journey. I have connected deeply to my ukulele and the land of Lake Atitlan. Playing music in the sunshine, singing, dancing, making fire and plenty of ceremony. The past two days have been filled with hiking and raw food in preparation for my dark room experience.

My good buddy Garrett hiked up to a waterfall in the valley next to us. Probably crashing down about 60 feet, this waterfall filled our souls with purity, beauty and bliss. Behind the waterfall was a large cave, a home for a family of birds. Climbing into the dark cave gave me a taste of what lay before me...

Yesterday we hiked up to the San Pedro Volcano. Absolutely epic. The trail was maintained surprisingly well. At some point, we entered into a totally different realm of existence. The most vibrant green I have ever experienced. Moss and lichen covering enormous trees, ferns and other wild plants growing on trees and covering the floor of the rainforest. The views of the lake and surrounding volcanoes was breathtaking. It was a wonderful way to send me off to the darkness...

Tomorrow I enter the Dark Room for 11 days. I am anticipating the moment when the door closes behind me and I am left with only myself, a ukulele, a drum, rose water and essential oils, and few pairs of clothes. Arpi and Arjuna, the hosts of Kaivalya Yoga hostel, are going to take great care of me. Feeding me twice a day, I will eat papaya, pineapple, watermelon, avacado, and seaweed. A light diet to keep my body in a state of healing and awarness. I will spend my time in yoga, meditation, music, chi gong, Reiki, and chanting. My repetoire of different practices copious and I am excited to see what unfolds.

My intention is to reconnect with my true being. Somewhere on my journey down to earth I forgot who I am and where I came from. Entering the Dark Room, for me, is going to be like entering back into the womb of Mother Earth. I will walk out to the rising sun in 11 days with a fresh perspective on life, with less attachment to people or things, and an understanding of my own subtle energy. My heart and breath are my greatest teachers and I am remembering to listen to them.

All my prayers and love to you all. Sat Nam, Namaste, Wahe Guru!

Surrendering through awareness

Living life as an intense male has its ups and downs. I get to play all over the world, I have endless energy and strength, and life becomes a game in the physical world. On the other hand, I get hurt, don´t understand subtle communications, and am constantly running in high gear.

Today I hiked deep into the canyon behind San Marcos. I followed local foot paths and skipped on rocks up the river. The scenery is absolutely epic. Surrounded by lush jungle, gushing waterfalls, chirping birds, blooming flowers, and looking back on a shimmering lake surrounded by volcanoes and mountains. Spending the day in silence reminded me of how fast my brain works. It wants to do something always, nonstop. It doesn´t even mind going over the same thing over and over again. Sometimes, my brain acts like a spinning record on repeat. Extremely frustrating.

Walking barefoot has helped me to stay present and keep my brain focused on the present moment. When my mind wanders, I stub a toe or slip on a rock. Quite simple. Perhaps this is why I have loved intense sports my whole life: they force me to be 100% in the moment.

Women tend to surrender quite easy. It happens many times in relationship, and this sometimes leads to the woman losing herself or merging with her partner. A woman´s ability to surrender naturally opens her up to the spiritual realm. For when we surrender and let go, our being is filled with synchronicity and bliss. Since I am a fiery male, I have had a tough time surrendering to anyone or anything. In fact, most of the time I have one hand on my sword ready for the unexpected. I am ready to let this go. I am ready to surrender. No expectations, no fear.

I go into the darkroom in less than two weeks. I am doing my best to prepare, mentally, emotionally and physically. I am excited to be by myself, to stretch, meditate and refresh my being. Physically, I am strong and healthy. I am eating mostly raw and staying conscious to my body´s interaction with the food that I am eating. Emotionally, I am doing my best. When I am surrounded by lightworkers, I am in bliss. When I go to the woods, I face the pain in my heart and ask my sweet mother earth to take it. All in all, the 2012 shift is happening, and it is all inside of you.

Thunder Being

There is an extreme amount of energy in San Marcos. It is an absolute vortex. I feel like I am in a time warp. So many things happen in such a small amount of time. I am spinning into myself. finding my root and staying open to all that is happening around me.

The full moon illuminates the lake at night, allowing for late night, barefoot hikes. Ceremony has been a daily part of life, but last night we made an epic fire on a mayan alter facing the San Pedro Volcano. Sufi sprinkled honey, flowers, rose water, and other offerings into the fire. A powerful ceremony that left me exhausted and ready to just be happy. I have no more expectations, do not want to make plans, hold on to fears, or do much of anything. I prefer to be a pillar of divine light, walking in grace,  living moment by moment.

A storm has brought up a bunch of emotion today. I am ready to purge and be clean and clear. No attachment.

Wahe Blessings. 

I lived through another earthquake the other day. The earth is shifting, I am into it.

Every day we are involved in ceremony of sorts. Bringing out the garbage, healing each other, bringing light to the lake. Yesterday I felt like I arrived at the cliff´s edge. I am ready to take the final plunge, let go of myself as myself, embrace my being, and fall into the void.

This path is extremely scary, super fun, always changing. Sufi, my wonderful Finnish shamanic friend, is certain that we are approaching the time where peace will prevail on earth. Her ceremony opens hearts, allows people to cry, brings up anger and screaming, and gives everyone a sense of peace and harmony. Her intuition is strong, and I am happy to be working with her and the cacao spirit on a daily basis. Cacao ceremony is now a daily ritual, along with music and dance.

I absolutely love it down here. The food is so fresh and delicious, people friendly, music on the streets, not too much noise, footpaths everywhere through the forest, waterfalls, cliff jumping, boat rides, and lots of love. Sufi has a vision of opening a healing space involving a conscious community. I am into it, but the Carribbean sea has been calling me very strongly the past few days. I want to swim with the colorful fish, drum and strum on the beach, bask in the sunlight, and plunge my being into the sand.

Another part of me is anticipating the Rainbow gathering. My plan at this point is to build a Tipi. During construction, there are many beautiful Rainbow folks that are willing to share there space. The gathering in Coban, Guatemala is going to be open through the New Year. Over $100,000 was recently donated to the gathering to buy land and create a conscious, sustainable community. I am so psyched to be a part of this awakening and gathering of brothers and sisters. Originally, the plan was to go to Palenque for December, but it looks like that might be shifted due to unexpected sketchy energy in Palenque (cops, locals, etc.). Please come down to Coban and join us in the sunshine, growing food, playing music, bringing peace from the heavens to the earth.

Love Love Love!

Twisted System

I feel like I am going to Puke. Not because I have been walking the streets of Guatemala barefoot for the past week, but because emotion is twisting my insides. I feel like I have been here for weeks, months, perhaps years. Time seems to be moving in some crazy vortex down here. People´s conversations traveling through different dimensions, spiritual awakenings, realizations, and lots of love being shared.

The past few days have been filled with all sorts of adventure: cliff jumping, boat rides, teaching yoga to local dudes, exploring the most colorful clothing ever, cacao ceremonies, work opportunities, beautiful sunshine, wild oyster mushroom harvesting, fruit gathering, and living in a blissful space amongst chaos.

The traveling life is extremely transient. You meet someone, the next day they are gone. Perhaps they are around for a week or two, but then split on their own way. Others become life long friends or journeying mates. Around the Lake, there are handfuls of humans that I look forward to staying in touch with and spreading positive vibrations. Particularly the ¨Pirates¨ staying in the house in San Pedro. Chaz with one eye missing living the path of the shamanic pirate, Sean with the power of Poseidon, Dan - chi gong and life master, Tyler chill as can be, James bringing the Hawaiin energy.

I spent the day over at The Pirate house yesterday. I had the blessing to spontaneously teach these dudes a fusion class of Kundalini, chi gong, and acro yoga. Then we all took the boat back to my hostel and I taught a class open to the public there as well. This class was different though, we began with an intense Kundalini set, then drank ceremonial Cacao that I prepared, then came together for heart centered mediations, chanting, and partner healing. It was an incredibly high vibrational day. About 12 of us ended the night with heart hugs, mayan handshakes, and Oming with great spirit.

In the evening I climbed into an ancient sauna with two friends. We sweat, rubbed rose salts on our bodies, and sang sweet songs. Absolutely marvelous. The night ended with a swim under the moonlight in the lake. Surrounded by volcanoes, the water shimmering with milky moonlight, I felt free. At that moment, I felt like I was in another home of mine. I am beginning to inquire about retreat space for possible Chocolate Yoga retreats.

My dreams shook me up a bit last night, and I woke up to receive a couple random messages on the internet. I have been easily avoiding all technology, and I am reminded of why today. Spending the day playing Ukulele on a mountain and Kirtan chanting has not yet cleared this energy.

I have come to the complete conclusion and understanding that I need to spend time loving myself, and only myself. I still feel broken inside, and as much as I want to share my love with everyone, it is beginning to deplete me. I will recharge and prepare for the Rainbow Gathering. Blessings.

El Camino del Guerrero

I am blessed and in deep gratitude for all around me. Sufi, my chocolate finish shaman friend, threw a potluck-fire gathering for her birthday on October 18th. I adopted the job as wood carrier along with a Anna and Lars, a nor-cal Rainbow buddy carrying a kitten in his overall pouch. When we arrived at the party in the river valley, things were in full swing. I felt at home. I was surrounded by brothers and sisters vibrating with the changing earth, fully awake, alive and making a change. Almost the entire group will be attending the Rainbow Gatherings - which is now being referred to as the ¨Gathering of the World Tribes.¨ It seemed like everyone had an epic tale of living in the woods, building structures, playing music...all things that are resonate with me. Other than my Kundalini family, I have never felt so at home. Bless.

The Rainbow family is brilliantly courageous, at least from what I have exerienced so far. More than anything, everyone wants to be in the woods living more sustainablely. I encourage everyone to join the gathering of tribes, it is going to be an epic beginning to world peace. Love, light, music, laughter, chanting, yoga, cooking, dancing.

If you are traveling through Guatemala or Mexico and can bring me a tent, I would forever appreciate it!

I experienced a regression therapy session with Sufi yesterday. I ate a copious amount of high potent cacao, and meditated and moved for just a bit. Sufi laid me down, holding a beautiful crystal over my heart, Snatam Kaur´s voice and candles warming othe room. She began a visualization mediation with me, walking me in my mind´s eye through a portal, into a different dimension. I experienced myself as a gigantic ape man who just discovered a massive emerald of life. A beam of divine green light moved between the heavens and the emerald. I was deteremined to build a over the stone in celebration of it. I quickly saw beauty in everything, hopped on my pet dragon and took off laughing as we flew through canyons. We flew through a waterfall, into a cave and went face to face with a massive wolf. The wolf pounced on my chest, I was unscathed and fearless, Sufi reassuring me that it was a power animal. The worl became energy and merged with my being. We became one. On all fours, I looked out of the cave, at my dragon, and took off through the waterfall. I warped through time, into Egyptian times. Nephrititi´s name was booming in the white canvas tent filled with jewels and exotic fabrics. It was my duty to help with the carving of sacred geometrical designs on the capstone of the period. I feared the motive behind the order was power of humanity. I went through with it anyways. I spiraled through sacred geometrical vortexes, slaving over equations and figures. My third eye pulsing out of my forehead, I laid paralyzed as the cacao spirit and Sufi continued to guide me through different lifetimes, memories, and experiences until the present. Through my 3 hour journey with cacao, I realize and recognize that I need to slow down and enjoy the music. Perhaps I am here to clean up the crap that I am partially responsible in a previous life. I will not listen to other´s words, and listen to them in my own heart before acting. I left the ceremony exhausted but inspired.

The night ended with sangria, delicious deserts and dancing to latin music. I woke this morning in disbelief that I have only been here for a few days. It feels like the lifetimes. I have met so many wonderful people and had incredible experiences thus far. I am open to all family that wishes to join  me at the gatherings.

 I will have the blessing of teaching a yoga class at Kaivalya.

Coconuts, avacados, and all sorts of fresh fruits and veggies are in extreme abundance down here. Lots of Aloha.

Magic

San Marcos is filled with Magic and wonderful people. Walls are painted with vibrant colors, shops filled with beautiful mayan artists, excellent fresh fruit and chocolate everywhere, happy children skipping through the streets dribbling soccer balls or trying to make a buck, travelers with open hearts and wide smiles, laughing, music, hugs, and lots of love. Not to mention the deliciously green scenerary. I wake up in the morning to the sun rising over the volcano as it illuminates the mystical lake Atitlan. In the early morning, we chant Sanskrit mantra with our hostel mates, then a 3 hour Hridaya yoga class begins. During this time, I have found playing the Ukulele, working on my Spanish, and nurturing my soul with chocolate has been perfect for me. Adventures are never ending here as travelers with excited bodies and minds are coming through and ready to explore the bounty that surrounds us.

Yesterday morning I met a wonderful soul named Wayne. He served in the military and served as a "horse" professional poker player in Las Vegas ( literally being backed by investors to play poker 24/7). Somehow, he escaped the dark hole of Vegas and made it into the woods, oceans and mountains. His soul was refreshed and recharged. He had awoken. On this morning, he stood before me wide eyed, radiant, and grinning with two space cookies in his hands.

Needless to say, the adventure had just begun. We jumped on a boat across the lake to San Pedro in order to meet with a group of 8 travelers. They rented a house together for the month right on the lake. The friends met a local Gringo named Bruce who shared an interesting story with them and promised a workshop on this very day.

There is a sunken city in the middle of Lake Atitlan. According to local Mayans, it is an Atlantian city marked by a massive pyramid. This year, the rainy season was dry, but the lake rose an abnormal amount. When my plane landed a few days ago, I was greeted with an earthquake. It was the second one here in just a few days. All these are signs, according to locals, that the city is rising once again! Now, Bruce has apparently been in contact with these sentinent beings.  Through meditation, he left his body, went under water and shared dialogue with spirts of the lake. Like a little child, I skipped through the streets of San Pedro in excitement for the ceremony that was waiting us!

Meanwhile, Wayne and I dove into a deep conversation about prescence. So often human beings become robotic. It is very obvious when people travel. With one hand on their lonely planet, earbuds plugged into an iPod, many travelers are always talking about "what is next."  I am as guilty as the next person, and I am trying my hardest not too look into the future, rather, enjoy the moment that I am in. The future will be waiting for me when I get there! Along these same lines, we discussed "expectations." As humans, we label everything as good, bad, neutral, etc. Usually, if we think something is "good" for us, then it serves us in a positive way. If we beat ourself up for something we have been programmed to think as bad, it becomes negative. I am certainly guilty of creating expectations, especially most recently in my previous relationship. For some crazy reason, I had an idea of what I should be and what she should be.  Living in this way is stifling and does not allow for creative flow or unique interaction. Trying to fit into some mold that was shaped by our ancestors makes no sense. The time is now. Be you. Be love.

As we walked through the peaceful streets, I realized how light life is when you do not expect anything from it. We are all blessed in one way or another. Let us live in our truth and bath in the beauty that is everywhere. I am over trying to define myself or to fit into society. Spirit is infinite, colorful, loud, crazy, loving, peaceful, intense, calm and it flows through each and every one of us. Let it flow however it needs to flow to resonate with earth and to create harmony with each other. We are all a beautiful orchestra of angels on earth; grab a drum, some spoons, a stringed instrument, a horn, whatever and let us make beautiful music together. We have so much potential.

We arrived at the house on the lake and were greeted by one-eyed pirate Chaz. Tattooed on his right peck is a pirate ship and his eye was blasted out by a landmine in Afghanistan. Such a grounded fellow. We sat down for a chat and I noticed the massive pirate flag blowing in the wind. My heart fluttered because the night before I dreamt of my pirate flag. Was the life of a pirate possibley in my destiny cards? I grabbed a drum and found the beat of the earth. Spirit flowed through me and I began chanting in all different Native tongues and banging on this drum. I watched intensly as a Mayan family swam with their beautiful black lab. Giggling as the crazy Gringo sang his heart out, the little children splashed and lived in innocence.

The vibrations were high, but extremely wierd. Me gusta mucho! The house mates arrived and were all bright eyed, long haired southern california brothers. We exchanged hugs  and bienvenidos. All were planning on going up to Palenque for the Rainbow Gathering  but staying on the lake for now. Bruce arrived and we gathered for the ceremony. Now, I thought we were going to be traveling etherically under the lake, or helping the city arrive, but that was not what happened. We basically got in a chi gong stance, grounded our energy, then helped partner ground their energy and spiral each chakra. Most everyone was unfamiliar with grounding, chakras, and kundalini energy. I was biting my lip throughout the workshop because I always had something to say, but I held myself back since it was Bruce's workshop. Another sign that I need to be teaching, otherwise I am going to go nuts.

Wayne and I left the workshop a bit early to grab some food. Both of us were a bit disappointed, and we immediately realized what we did. We "expected" something from the workshop, and it did not happen. Lessons will continue to be repeated until they are learned. I believe Einstein once said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This is the pattern humanity has been stuck in, but we are breaking it now. We are waking up. Let us be aware of every breath, for Pavan Guru is our greatest ally.

I was able to take advantage of the beautiful yoga space at the hostel this morning. I woke to an incredible Kundalini set to help me "withstand the pressure of time." I highly recomend that set, I beleive it is in a level 2 manual if you have one. My good friend Anna joined me toward the tail end for partner acro yoga and a little bit of flying. I feel clear, grounded, and ready to go with the flow of the universe. I am in San Pedro now, and was just measured for a custom pair of leather beaded shaman boots. Sufi, my cacao shaman, is celebrating her birthday tonight with a fire ceremony, flower teas and pot luck. I love this place and all the people that live here. Come join if you'd like. We are waiting with open arms, hugs, and lots of love!

Guatemala

Wahe Guru!

 I am on a journey surrounded by light and love. It is my blessing to share insight and adventure with my students, friends and family. I had aversion to writing this blog, but I continue to receive messages from all different angles requesting a story...so here it is.

For a long time, I knew that it was important for me to be a part of 2012 ceremony - no matter where it was. I am transitioning, growing, collecting, and accepting the responsibility of a Man. It has been quite the journey so far. One with many ups, downs, sideways, laughs, cries, sickness, radiant health, dolphins, love, heartache, yoga, music, and heart opening Wahe Guru.

My first thought was Peru. I am aware that the earth´s kundalini energy has been shifting for quite some time, and will eventually be stable in the Andes mountains of South America. I love mountains, and high vibrational energy is extremely appealing to me, especially at this point in my life. I have trained with educators, atheletes, yogis, cooks, and been psychoanalyzed by many women! I appreciate all the teachings, wisdom, and knowledge that have been shared with me, and I was ready to experience the teaching of the Shaman. A spiritual discipline that was crushed by westerners, and one that the earth desperately needs in the time of chaos we live in. Peru, they have shaman there...

During my time in Hawaii, I discovered a Chocolate Shaman. Wow I though! I don´t have to psychedelically trip out to study shamanic tradition. Sure, plant medicine can be useful, but it is super intense and can seriously damage a being if they are mislead or not ready for the experience. On the other hand, ingesting ceremonial dosages of Cacao, chocolate in it´s purest form, is a gentle way to move into your heart space in order to renew, revitalize, and grow. Cacao is also delicious and super nutritious. It is packed full of magnesium and all sorts of minerals that keep you radiant, youthful, and happy. For years, I have drank raw chocolate power smoothies that I blend myself. The smoothies have always picked me up, kept me strong, and have always been a perk of my day. Not too mention that the shakes are an aphrodisiac and filled with caffeine that keep me feeling mellow and filled with divine love. Needless to say, I was interested in this chocolate shamanic tradition. I packed it away in the back of my mind and moved on with life.

I had a wonderful summer and early fall. I was blessed to be spending my every moment with a Divine
Goddess who was on the same page as me - bringing light and love on to this planet...and eating lots of chocolate. Living in uncertainty and not being able to commit fully to one another created barriers between us that led to miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a loss of individuality. Neither of us were ready for a real divine relationship that we both craved. Somewhere in our hearts and minds, we held ourselves and each other to a standard that we were not ready to reach, or perhaps that was unattainable in this human form. Either way, we rubbed each other the wrong way and created a habit of daily bickering and picking each other apart. This beautiful butterfly who I love with all of my heart needed to fly free. I could not admit this to myself, nor did I want to. I was willing to do anything to keep the relationship alive. She asked me to leave and to give her space. A clean break up. I respect her and look at her as the wisest teacher I have ever met. She rarely sent me down the wrong path, so I left.

I knew I was not going to be able to function in the United States. There is nothing there for me now. I am not ready to teach, it is going to get cold soon, and my friends and family have their own lives that they are steadily living. During my time in Maine, I was desperately trying to find a prime location for Danielle and I to travel to.  We wanted to be warm, grow spiritually, and experience life to the fullest. Although I originally had an aversion to Rainbow gatherings, I continued to hear of a World Rainbow gathering taking place in Mexico with the intention to welcome in the Age of Aquarius. This seemed like a great place for the two of us to go, meet people, enjoy ceremony, dance, play music, and live barefoot like a couple of free birds. I began researching the event, but was struggling to find a concrete location and time of the gathering. I clicked here and there on various websites and was randomly led to a yoga hostel in Guatemala. They host yoga intensives, silent retreats, and sensory deprivation retreats. The hostel is extremely affordable and located on the beautiful Lake Atitlan in San Marcos. I vibed with their website and the style of yoga they teach - inspired by Ramana Maharishi and moving into a heart centered existence. These were all options, and wonderful ones.

I left Maine in complete shock. I fell in love at first sight, shared the best friendship I have ever experienced, and lived everyday with a partner who supported me and helped me grow. I had to leave, but where to go? Kayak.com is a great place to start, and when I found a ticket to Guatemala for 118$ the decision was a no brainer. On my 27th birthday, I was going to be flying to Guatemala. For the next two weeks, my heart ached, my body was nauseous, my eyes cried, and my mind was in absolute disbelief and sadness. Luckily my spirit is strong and kept me going. After I bought my plane ticket, things started to reveal themselves one after the other. I knew I was doing exactly what I was supposed to, but I was in so much pain that the love of my life was not going to be with me.

Through daily journaling and reflection, I began to understand the steps I needed to take in order to grow as a Man, a human, a lover, a partner, a teacher, and myself. I need to reach a space of living in humility, play music, accept the person I am, absorb the wisdom of all those I encounter, let go of all the ties my ancestor have on me, release the past and my attachment to my father, admit my faults, speak my truth, learn Spanish, laugh, experience silence and pray dearly to my divine mother so that she may help me to love unconditionally. I need to become me. The real me. I am committed to this journey and am excited to be living my life as it comes.

Once I bought my ticket, I was swarmed with messages of different ideas on places I should visit, pray at, and experience. Thank you all for your wonderful support and excellent ideas. I have heard them all, and my trip has unfolded accordingly. I contacted Kaivalya yoga hostel in San marcos and made reservations to join them. I read about their Dark Retreats (inspired by Chi Gong Master Mantak Chia), and quickly realized this was something I should experience. As I looked deeper into San Marcos, I found that it is one of the spiritual epicenters of central America. Also, the Chocolate Shaman resides in San Marcos and holds regular ceremony there. Everything was coming full circle and my heart was open to following the wind wherever it chose to take me.

Music is so important to my soul. I have always been timid to pick up instruments and play them, even though I dream of serenading the woman I love. Walking barefoot on the beach, strumming a beautiful instrument, and singing sweetly in her ear. I have no desire for fame, I just want to be able to let my soul sing through my instruments. I started playing the harmonium (Indian piano) but it is too big to travel with. Ukulele immediately came to my mind. I listened to some Uke tracks, read about people´s experience with it, and quickly realized that it was the instrument for me at this time. The Ukulele is Hawaiin, sounds beautiful, has 4 strings, can be easy to play yet has lots of potential (Hendrix, George Harrison, Eddie Veder play the Uke to name a few), and is the instrument of pure peace and joy. Wahe Love. Thank you Mom and Kevin for helping me find and buy my beautiful Lanakai Ukulele. I love it.

One evening I became particularly inspired by playing music, teaching a fusion yoga class, and performing Reiki and massage. I arrived home at about 3 AM and decided I was going to commit to the Rainbow Gathering. Why not? I could sing, dance, and share love with thousands of people in an important time of world evolution. That evening, I looked into the meaning of the Rainbow family and their gatherings. I was incredibly surprised to find out the connection to the Hopi Indian prophecy and the shift that we are experiencing in 2012. This was the gathering I am meant to be at. Again, spirit took a hold of my actions and led me to Synthesis 2012 festival at Chichen Itza for the solstice. I saw the flyer, looked at the keynote speakers and musicians and bought my ticket at 3:30 am. I had no idea how I would get there or any details about the festival, but I did know that with this group I would have entrance to Chichen Itza and be doing ceremony with Mayan Elders on December 21, 2012 - the day the Mayan Calendar ends. Essentially, the festival is bringing in a new age, and my heart swells with joy when I think about being a part of it. All of the sudden, I had a full schedule bringing me into the New Year. My path was laid before me, and I am fully committed to it.

The week before I left was extremely tranformative for me. I cried for hours a day, I sang songs, played music, ate lots of chocolate, and then had the opportunity to take Loren Poin up to Mt. Katahdin in Maine for his wedding stag. Kyle, Loren and I arrived at our private cabin on Sunday Pond in the evening. I swore that I could see the moon rising above the mountain. I beckoned the guys to join me on the pond to enjoy the shooting stars, the still pond, and the bright sight of the Milky Way galaxy above us. We were all in awe of the beauty and stillness that surrounded us; when we couldn´t imagine anything greater, the Aurora Borealis (northern lights) danced on the ridge of Mt. Katahdin. We sat there with our jaws to the ground, shivering in the cold for almost an hour. Green lights glowed in the night, taking mysterious shapes as they moved through the night sky. It was a beautiful omen that they following days were going to be filled with magic.

As we rose the next morning for our hike, I packed my father´s ashes on my back. I have lived in his shadow for 26 years, and it was time to release him to the ethers and become my own man. For the next few hours, we merrily hiked up the mountain. Revelations of all sorts were coming to us. I realized that it was extremely important to live the life of a samurai when I went on my trip to Central America. It is a great opportunity for me to grow as a human, but I cannot be distracted by women or fear. As I walked barefoot through the snowy earth, my committment to myself grew strong and I knew I was ready to grow into my true self.

We were about to reach the summit when we heard the hoots and hollers of a bunch of ¨through hikers¨ Most of them had been hiking for 6 month on the long 2200 mile hike on the Appalachian trail. This was there final destination, and it was time for them to celebrate. We reached the peak and I found a smooth rock to sit and contemplate my next move. I saw two choices before me: I could either empty my dad´s ashes privately, or I could ask the help of all these wonderful hikers to join me in ceremony to release my dad. Although fear of rejection panged at my being, I knew that speaking up was a first step in becoming a man. I asked for everyone´s attention, and asked for their participation in ceremony. 21 of us held hands in a circle around my father´s ashes, prayed to Great Spirit, and let out 3 long Oms and 3 long Akaals. In silence, I grabbed my fathers ashes, found a cliff face, cut the bag open and let a gust of wind spiral the ashes to the heavens. Absolutely beautiful. I nimbly climbed to the exact summit, a pile of rocks laid by hikers, and sprinkled the remaining ashes on the rocks. In victory, we saluted the spirits together and then shared tears and hugs. Many hearts had been touch. I am in complete gratitude for the brave souls that joined me in ceremony and in helping me to take my first steps toward true manhood.

After an incredible wedding ceremony for Loren and Rebecca and an awesome birthday party with my family, I boarded my plane to Guatemala. Fear began to enter my being. Was this going to be similar to India. Am I going to get ill? Will I know where I am going? I will be all alone....etc.etc.etc. I reached peace when I got off the plane, entered a shuttle, pulled my Ukulele out and strummed it a few times, laughed at by a few locals and labeled as ¨Loco¨. It was a long journey to San Marcos. I arrived at my hostel late at night and was absolutely exhausted. My wonderful hosts showed me to my room and said goodnight. I put my bags down, turned around, and was greeted by 5 massive spiders.

Why? I wanted to laugh, but I was so tired. I walked out of my room, asked my hosts what kind of spiders were living in my room, and hung my head as they told me ¨no worries, they are everywhere.¨ Luckily, a vibrant, young woman heard me from the room next door. She came out laughing, sat with me on my porch and gave me permission to kill the spiders. I thought of my mom´s yoga teacher Susan. She said, if you need to kill an insect, do it quick! I took her advice and quickly cleared my room of the 8 legged creatures.

Anna, a 21 year old from D.C. but directly coming from a 2 year stay in Australia, was full of wonderful energy and comforting conversation. We stayed up and chatted for a few hours about our life journey and where we are now. Interestingly enough, we share similar experiences. She was supposed to be traveling with her love, but they broke up and went their own way. She is now here cleansing emotion and getting in touch with her true self. We connected on a very safe, spiritual, and non-threatening way. At the end of the day, we both just want to love ourselves deeper. I am so happy to have met Anna. She has been in Guatemala for a few weeks and is filled with tips and stories.

This morning I woke up in a groggy, jet lagged haze. Anna greeted me with a smile and let me know of a Cacao ceremony that was going to be taking place that afternoon. YES! After a beautiful breakfast and a quick tour of the amazing town of San Marcos, we headed to the Shaman Sufi´s house for the ceremony. I immediately got incredible feelings from Sufi. She purified me with white sage and a turkey feather. Her intuition led her to clear energy from my right elbow, a place that I broke a couple of years ago and has continued to cause me stagnation in energy and little bits of pain. She is the real deal.

7 of us sat around a circle and drank a high dose of ceremonial Mayan chocolate with chili, flower essences, and raw sugar. Sufi began to lead us through meditation and I found myself deep inside my broken heart. I was feeling all the space that had been created and accepting what I had gone through. I knew that I was going to be a stronger person from this experience, but I need to persevere. After an hour or so, Sufi sat directly across from me and began a 1 on 1 healing session. She pierced right through my being. She could see all that was happening inside me and was able to clearly articulate it. I had no doubt that I am meant to be here at this moment working with the Cacao Spirit. This experience was incredibly real, clear and sober, and heart opening.

Sufi told me that my heart was filled with an incredible amount of love, but for some reason I was holding it in. I was scared to let it out. Through a guided meditation, I arrived at a book filled with golden pages. The book contained an agreement that I made with myself through many lifetimes of trial and error. In the past, I have let my love shine and literally been burned at the cross because of it. In this lifetime, I have been scared to be my true self and let all my love out. I can cry right now thinking about it. Sufi guided me through a process where I let go of my old agreement and created a new one. I no longer need to protect myself. In this life, I am meant to shine and spread light and love. In fact, I need to. This is the only way that I will ever be happy and whole. An immediate sense of love and relaxation swept over my whole being.

Sufi continued to search inside my being. She told me that I was being pulled in two different directions. A part of me wants to live in the mountains, grow a beard, and be a complete mystical yogi. The other part of me wants to be on earth, love a woman, teach, and have a family. According to Sufi, I have lived many lifetimes as a mystic and it is time for me to come to earth. In fact, I cannot grow spiritually any farther until I do. This means, leaving behind the disciplined life of a yogi and embracing being a human. She said it was incredibly important for me to be with my divine partner and practice tantric love making. This is my personal Sadhana. Pure light filled me as I tried to release the feeling that I need to be a Shakti Pranified yogi. I have experienced that, and now I need to live in divine union with another being and reach the heavens through physical love. WaheGuru! Later she shared with me that my highest divine partner was with me and all she wants to do is love me. She loves me exactly for who I am, and one day we will unite in pure love to grow together and create a family on earth.

My heart has been touched by the Cacao spirit and the spirit of Lake Atitlan. I am blessed an grateful. I love you all.