Wahe Guru!
I am on a journey surrounded by light and love. It is my blessing to share insight and adventure with my students, friends and family. I had aversion to writing this blog, but I continue to receive messages from all different angles requesting a story...so here it is.
For a long time, I knew that it was important for me to be a part of 2012 ceremony - no matter where it was. I am transitioning, growing, collecting, and accepting the responsibility of a Man. It has been quite the journey so far. One with many ups, downs, sideways, laughs, cries, sickness, radiant health, dolphins, love, heartache, yoga, music, and heart opening Wahe Guru.
My first thought was Peru. I am aware that the earth´s kundalini energy has been shifting for quite some time, and will eventually be stable in the Andes mountains of South America. I love mountains, and high vibrational energy is extremely appealing to me, especially at this point in my life. I have trained with educators, atheletes, yogis, cooks, and been psychoanalyzed by many women! I appreciate all the teachings, wisdom, and knowledge that have been shared with me, and I was ready to experience the teaching of the Shaman. A spiritual discipline that was crushed by westerners, and one that the earth desperately needs in the time of chaos we live in. Peru, they have shaman there...
During my time in Hawaii, I discovered a Chocolate Shaman. Wow I though! I don´t have to psychedelically trip out to study shamanic tradition. Sure, plant medicine can be useful, but it is super intense and can seriously damage a being if they are mislead or not ready for the experience. On the other hand, ingesting ceremonial dosages of Cacao, chocolate in it´s purest form, is a gentle way to move into your heart space in order to renew, revitalize, and grow. Cacao is also delicious and super nutritious. It is packed full of magnesium and all sorts of minerals that keep you radiant, youthful, and happy. For years, I have drank raw chocolate power smoothies that I blend myself. The smoothies have always picked me up, kept me strong, and have always been a perk of my day. Not too mention that the shakes are an aphrodisiac and filled with caffeine that keep me feeling mellow and filled with divine love. Needless to say, I was interested in this chocolate shamanic tradition. I packed it away in the back of my mind and moved on with life.
I had a wonderful summer and early fall. I was blessed to be spending my every moment with a Divine
Goddess who was on the same page as me - bringing light and love on to this planet...and eating lots of chocolate. Living in uncertainty and not being able to commit fully to one another created barriers between us that led to miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a loss of individuality. Neither of us were ready for a real divine relationship that we both craved. Somewhere in our hearts and minds, we held ourselves and each other to a standard that we were not ready to reach, or perhaps that was unattainable in this human form. Either way, we rubbed each other the wrong way and created a habit of daily bickering and picking each other apart. This beautiful butterfly who I love with all of my heart needed to fly free. I could not admit this to myself, nor did I want to. I was willing to do anything to keep the relationship alive. She asked me to leave and to give her space. A clean break up. I respect her and look at her as the wisest teacher I have ever met. She rarely sent me down the wrong path, so I left.
I knew I was not going to be able to function in the United States. There is nothing there for me now. I am not ready to teach, it is going to get cold soon, and my friends and family have their own lives that they are steadily living. During my time in Maine, I was desperately trying to find a prime location for Danielle and I to travel to. We wanted to be warm, grow spiritually, and experience life to the fullest. Although I originally had an aversion to Rainbow gatherings, I continued to hear of a World Rainbow gathering taking place in Mexico with the intention to welcome in the Age of Aquarius. This seemed like a great place for the two of us to go, meet people, enjoy ceremony, dance, play music, and live barefoot like a couple of free birds. I began researching the event, but was struggling to find a concrete location and time of the gathering. I clicked here and there on various websites and was randomly led to a yoga hostel in Guatemala. They host yoga intensives, silent retreats, and sensory deprivation retreats. The hostel is extremely affordable and located on the beautiful Lake Atitlan in San Marcos. I vibed with their website and the style of yoga they teach - inspired by Ramana Maharishi and moving into a heart centered existence. These were all options, and wonderful ones.
I left Maine in complete shock. I fell in love at first sight, shared the best friendship I have ever experienced, and lived everyday with a partner who supported me and helped me grow. I had to leave, but where to go? Kayak.com is a great place to start, and when I found a ticket to Guatemala for 118$ the decision was a no brainer. On my 27th birthday, I was going to be flying to Guatemala. For the next two weeks, my heart ached, my body was nauseous, my eyes cried, and my mind was in absolute disbelief and sadness. Luckily my spirit is strong and kept me going. After I bought my plane ticket, things started to reveal themselves one after the other. I knew I was doing exactly what I was supposed to, but I was in so much pain that the love of my life was not going to be with me.
Through daily journaling and reflection, I began to understand the steps I needed to take in order to grow as a Man, a human, a lover, a partner, a teacher, and myself. I need to reach a space of living in humility, play music, accept the person I am, absorb the wisdom of all those I encounter, let go of all the ties my ancestor have on me, release the past and my attachment to my father, admit my faults, speak my truth, learn Spanish, laugh, experience silence and pray dearly to my divine mother so that she may help me to love unconditionally. I need to become me. The real me. I am committed to this journey and am excited to be living my life as it comes.
Once I bought my ticket, I was swarmed with messages of different ideas on places I should visit, pray at, and experience. Thank you all for your wonderful support and excellent ideas. I have heard them all, and my trip has unfolded accordingly. I contacted Kaivalya yoga hostel in San marcos and made reservations to join them. I read about their Dark Retreats (inspired by Chi Gong Master Mantak Chia), and quickly realized this was something I should experience. As I looked deeper into San Marcos, I found that it is one of the spiritual epicenters of central America. Also, the Chocolate Shaman resides in San Marcos and holds regular ceremony there. Everything was coming full circle and my heart was open to following the wind wherever it chose to take me.
Music is so important to my soul. I have always been timid to pick up instruments and play them, even though I dream of serenading the woman I love. Walking barefoot on the beach, strumming a beautiful instrument, and singing sweetly in her ear. I have no desire for fame, I just want to be able to let my soul sing through my instruments. I started playing the harmonium (Indian piano) but it is too big to travel with. Ukulele immediately came to my mind. I listened to some Uke tracks, read about people´s experience with it, and quickly realized that it was the instrument for me at this time. The Ukulele is Hawaiin, sounds beautiful, has 4 strings, can be easy to play yet has lots of potential (Hendrix, George Harrison, Eddie Veder play the Uke to name a few), and is the instrument of pure peace and joy. Wahe Love. Thank you Mom and Kevin for helping me find and buy my beautiful Lanakai Ukulele. I love it.
One evening I became particularly inspired by playing music, teaching a fusion yoga class, and performing Reiki and massage. I arrived home at about 3 AM and decided I was going to commit to the Rainbow Gathering. Why not? I could sing, dance, and share love with thousands of people in an important time of world evolution. That evening, I looked into the meaning of the Rainbow family and their gatherings. I was incredibly surprised to find out the connection to the Hopi Indian prophecy and the shift that we are experiencing in 2012. This was the gathering I am meant to be at. Again, spirit took a hold of my actions and led me to Synthesis 2012 festival at Chichen Itza for the solstice. I saw the flyer, looked at the keynote speakers and musicians and bought my ticket at 3:30 am. I had no idea how I would get there or any details about the festival, but I did know that with this group I would have entrance to Chichen Itza and be doing ceremony with Mayan Elders on December 21, 2012 - the day the Mayan Calendar ends. Essentially, the festival is bringing in a new age, and my heart swells with joy when I think about being a part of it. All of the sudden, I had a full schedule bringing me into the New Year. My path was laid before me, and I am fully committed to it.
The week before I left was extremely tranformative for me. I cried for hours a day, I sang songs, played music, ate lots of chocolate, and then had the opportunity to take Loren Poin up to Mt. Katahdin in Maine for his wedding stag. Kyle, Loren and I arrived at our private cabin on Sunday Pond in the evening. I swore that I could see the moon rising above the mountain. I beckoned the guys to join me on the pond to enjoy the shooting stars, the still pond, and the bright sight of the Milky Way galaxy above us. We were all in awe of the beauty and stillness that surrounded us; when we couldn´t imagine anything greater, the Aurora Borealis (northern lights) danced on the ridge of Mt. Katahdin. We sat there with our jaws to the ground, shivering in the cold for almost an hour. Green lights glowed in the night, taking mysterious shapes as they moved through the night sky. It was a beautiful omen that they following days were going to be filled with magic.
As we rose the next morning for our hike, I packed my father´s ashes on my back. I have lived in his shadow for 26 years, and it was time to release him to the ethers and become my own man. For the next few hours, we merrily hiked up the mountain. Revelations of all sorts were coming to us. I realized that it was extremely important to live the life of a samurai when I went on my trip to Central America. It is a great opportunity for me to grow as a human, but I cannot be distracted by women or fear. As I walked barefoot through the snowy earth, my committment to myself grew strong and I knew I was ready to grow into my true self.
We were about to reach the summit when we heard the hoots and hollers of a bunch of ¨through hikers¨ Most of them had been hiking for 6 month on the long 2200 mile hike on the Appalachian trail. This was there final destination, and it was time for them to celebrate. We reached the peak and I found a smooth rock to sit and contemplate my next move. I saw two choices before me: I could either empty my dad´s ashes privately, or I could ask the help of all these wonderful hikers to join me in ceremony to release my dad. Although fear of rejection panged at my being, I knew that speaking up was a first step in becoming a man. I asked for everyone´s attention, and asked for their participation in ceremony. 21 of us held hands in a circle around my father´s ashes, prayed to Great Spirit, and let out 3 long Oms and 3 long Akaals. In silence, I grabbed my fathers ashes, found a cliff face, cut the bag open and let a gust of wind spiral the ashes to the heavens. Absolutely beautiful. I nimbly climbed to the exact summit, a pile of rocks laid by hikers, and sprinkled the remaining ashes on the rocks. In victory, we saluted the spirits together and then shared tears and hugs. Many hearts had been touch. I am in complete gratitude for the brave souls that joined me in ceremony and in helping me to take my first steps toward true manhood.
After an incredible wedding ceremony for Loren and Rebecca and an awesome birthday party with my family, I boarded my plane to Guatemala. Fear began to enter my being. Was this going to be similar to India. Am I going to get ill? Will I know where I am going? I will be all alone....etc.etc.etc. I reached peace when I got off the plane, entered a shuttle, pulled my Ukulele out and strummed it a few times, laughed at by a few locals and labeled as ¨Loco¨. It was a long journey to San Marcos. I arrived at my hostel late at night and was absolutely exhausted. My wonderful hosts showed me to my room and said goodnight. I put my bags down, turned around, and was greeted by 5 massive spiders.
Why? I wanted to laugh, but I was so tired. I walked out of my room, asked my hosts what kind of spiders were living in my room, and hung my head as they told me ¨no worries, they are everywhere.¨ Luckily, a vibrant, young woman heard me from the room next door. She came out laughing, sat with me on my porch and gave me permission to kill the spiders. I thought of my mom´s yoga teacher Susan. She said, if you need to kill an insect, do it quick! I took her advice and quickly cleared my room of the 8 legged creatures.
Anna, a 21 year old from D.C. but directly coming from a 2 year stay in Australia, was full of wonderful energy and comforting conversation. We stayed up and chatted for a few hours about our life journey and where we are now. Interestingly enough, we share similar experiences. She was supposed to be traveling with her love, but they broke up and went their own way. She is now here cleansing emotion and getting in touch with her true self. We connected on a very safe, spiritual, and non-threatening way. At the end of the day, we both just want to love ourselves deeper. I am so happy to have met Anna. She has been in Guatemala for a few weeks and is filled with tips and stories.
This morning I woke up in a groggy, jet lagged haze. Anna greeted me with a smile and let me know of a Cacao ceremony that was going to be taking place that afternoon. YES! After a beautiful breakfast and a quick tour of the amazing town of San Marcos, we headed to the Shaman Sufi´s house for the ceremony. I immediately got incredible feelings from Sufi. She purified me with white sage and a turkey feather. Her intuition led her to clear energy from my right elbow, a place that I broke a couple of years ago and has continued to cause me stagnation in energy and little bits of pain. She is the real deal.
7 of us sat around a circle and drank a high dose of ceremonial Mayan chocolate with chili, flower essences, and raw sugar. Sufi began to lead us through meditation and I found myself deep inside my broken heart. I was feeling all the space that had been created and accepting what I had gone through. I knew that I was going to be a stronger person from this experience, but I need to persevere. After an hour or so, Sufi sat directly across from me and began a 1 on 1 healing session. She pierced right through my being. She could see all that was happening inside me and was able to clearly articulate it. I had no doubt that I am meant to be here at this moment working with the Cacao Spirit. This experience was incredibly real, clear and sober, and heart opening.
Sufi told me that my heart was filled with an incredible amount of love, but for some reason I was holding it in. I was scared to let it out. Through a guided meditation, I arrived at a book filled with golden pages. The book contained an agreement that I made with myself through many lifetimes of trial and error. In the past, I have let my love shine and literally been burned at the cross because of it. In this lifetime, I have been scared to be my true self and let all my love out. I can cry right now thinking about it. Sufi guided me through a process where I let go of my old agreement and created a new one. I no longer need to protect myself. In this life, I am meant to shine and spread light and love. In fact, I need to. This is the only way that I will ever be happy and whole. An immediate sense of love and relaxation swept over my whole being.
Sufi continued to search inside my being. She told me that I was being pulled in two different directions. A part of me wants to live in the mountains, grow a beard, and be a complete mystical yogi. The other part of me wants to be on earth, love a woman, teach, and have a family. According to Sufi, I have lived many lifetimes as a mystic and it is time for me to come to earth. In fact, I cannot grow spiritually any farther until I do. This means, leaving behind the disciplined life of a yogi and embracing being a human. She said it was incredibly important for me to be with my divine partner and practice tantric love making. This is my personal Sadhana. Pure light filled me as I tried to release the feeling that I need to be a Shakti Pranified yogi. I have experienced that, and now I need to live in divine union with another being and reach the heavens through physical love. WaheGuru! Later she shared with me that my highest divine partner was with me and all she wants to do is love me. She loves me exactly for who I am, and one day we will unite in pure love to grow together and create a family on earth.
My heart has been touched by the Cacao spirit and the spirit of Lake Atitlan. I am blessed an grateful. I love you all.
I am on a journey surrounded by light and love. It is my blessing to share insight and adventure with my students, friends and family. I had aversion to writing this blog, but I continue to receive messages from all different angles requesting a story...so here it is.
For a long time, I knew that it was important for me to be a part of 2012 ceremony - no matter where it was. I am transitioning, growing, collecting, and accepting the responsibility of a Man. It has been quite the journey so far. One with many ups, downs, sideways, laughs, cries, sickness, radiant health, dolphins, love, heartache, yoga, music, and heart opening Wahe Guru.
My first thought was Peru. I am aware that the earth´s kundalini energy has been shifting for quite some time, and will eventually be stable in the Andes mountains of South America. I love mountains, and high vibrational energy is extremely appealing to me, especially at this point in my life. I have trained with educators, atheletes, yogis, cooks, and been psychoanalyzed by many women! I appreciate all the teachings, wisdom, and knowledge that have been shared with me, and I was ready to experience the teaching of the Shaman. A spiritual discipline that was crushed by westerners, and one that the earth desperately needs in the time of chaos we live in. Peru, they have shaman there...
During my time in Hawaii, I discovered a Chocolate Shaman. Wow I though! I don´t have to psychedelically trip out to study shamanic tradition. Sure, plant medicine can be useful, but it is super intense and can seriously damage a being if they are mislead or not ready for the experience. On the other hand, ingesting ceremonial dosages of Cacao, chocolate in it´s purest form, is a gentle way to move into your heart space in order to renew, revitalize, and grow. Cacao is also delicious and super nutritious. It is packed full of magnesium and all sorts of minerals that keep you radiant, youthful, and happy. For years, I have drank raw chocolate power smoothies that I blend myself. The smoothies have always picked me up, kept me strong, and have always been a perk of my day. Not too mention that the shakes are an aphrodisiac and filled with caffeine that keep me feeling mellow and filled with divine love. Needless to say, I was interested in this chocolate shamanic tradition. I packed it away in the back of my mind and moved on with life.
I had a wonderful summer and early fall. I was blessed to be spending my every moment with a Divine
Goddess who was on the same page as me - bringing light and love on to this planet...and eating lots of chocolate. Living in uncertainty and not being able to commit fully to one another created barriers between us that led to miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a loss of individuality. Neither of us were ready for a real divine relationship that we both craved. Somewhere in our hearts and minds, we held ourselves and each other to a standard that we were not ready to reach, or perhaps that was unattainable in this human form. Either way, we rubbed each other the wrong way and created a habit of daily bickering and picking each other apart. This beautiful butterfly who I love with all of my heart needed to fly free. I could not admit this to myself, nor did I want to. I was willing to do anything to keep the relationship alive. She asked me to leave and to give her space. A clean break up. I respect her and look at her as the wisest teacher I have ever met. She rarely sent me down the wrong path, so I left.
I knew I was not going to be able to function in the United States. There is nothing there for me now. I am not ready to teach, it is going to get cold soon, and my friends and family have their own lives that they are steadily living. During my time in Maine, I was desperately trying to find a prime location for Danielle and I to travel to. We wanted to be warm, grow spiritually, and experience life to the fullest. Although I originally had an aversion to Rainbow gatherings, I continued to hear of a World Rainbow gathering taking place in Mexico with the intention to welcome in the Age of Aquarius. This seemed like a great place for the two of us to go, meet people, enjoy ceremony, dance, play music, and live barefoot like a couple of free birds. I began researching the event, but was struggling to find a concrete location and time of the gathering. I clicked here and there on various websites and was randomly led to a yoga hostel in Guatemala. They host yoga intensives, silent retreats, and sensory deprivation retreats. The hostel is extremely affordable and located on the beautiful Lake Atitlan in San Marcos. I vibed with their website and the style of yoga they teach - inspired by Ramana Maharishi and moving into a heart centered existence. These were all options, and wonderful ones.
I left Maine in complete shock. I fell in love at first sight, shared the best friendship I have ever experienced, and lived everyday with a partner who supported me and helped me grow. I had to leave, but where to go? Kayak.com is a great place to start, and when I found a ticket to Guatemala for 118$ the decision was a no brainer. On my 27th birthday, I was going to be flying to Guatemala. For the next two weeks, my heart ached, my body was nauseous, my eyes cried, and my mind was in absolute disbelief and sadness. Luckily my spirit is strong and kept me going. After I bought my plane ticket, things started to reveal themselves one after the other. I knew I was doing exactly what I was supposed to, but I was in so much pain that the love of my life was not going to be with me.
Through daily journaling and reflection, I began to understand the steps I needed to take in order to grow as a Man, a human, a lover, a partner, a teacher, and myself. I need to reach a space of living in humility, play music, accept the person I am, absorb the wisdom of all those I encounter, let go of all the ties my ancestor have on me, release the past and my attachment to my father, admit my faults, speak my truth, learn Spanish, laugh, experience silence and pray dearly to my divine mother so that she may help me to love unconditionally. I need to become me. The real me. I am committed to this journey and am excited to be living my life as it comes.
Once I bought my ticket, I was swarmed with messages of different ideas on places I should visit, pray at, and experience. Thank you all for your wonderful support and excellent ideas. I have heard them all, and my trip has unfolded accordingly. I contacted Kaivalya yoga hostel in San marcos and made reservations to join them. I read about their Dark Retreats (inspired by Chi Gong Master Mantak Chia), and quickly realized this was something I should experience. As I looked deeper into San Marcos, I found that it is one of the spiritual epicenters of central America. Also, the Chocolate Shaman resides in San Marcos and holds regular ceremony there. Everything was coming full circle and my heart was open to following the wind wherever it chose to take me.
Music is so important to my soul. I have always been timid to pick up instruments and play them, even though I dream of serenading the woman I love. Walking barefoot on the beach, strumming a beautiful instrument, and singing sweetly in her ear. I have no desire for fame, I just want to be able to let my soul sing through my instruments. I started playing the harmonium (Indian piano) but it is too big to travel with. Ukulele immediately came to my mind. I listened to some Uke tracks, read about people´s experience with it, and quickly realized that it was the instrument for me at this time. The Ukulele is Hawaiin, sounds beautiful, has 4 strings, can be easy to play yet has lots of potential (Hendrix, George Harrison, Eddie Veder play the Uke to name a few), and is the instrument of pure peace and joy. Wahe Love. Thank you Mom and Kevin for helping me find and buy my beautiful Lanakai Ukulele. I love it.
One evening I became particularly inspired by playing music, teaching a fusion yoga class, and performing Reiki and massage. I arrived home at about 3 AM and decided I was going to commit to the Rainbow Gathering. Why not? I could sing, dance, and share love with thousands of people in an important time of world evolution. That evening, I looked into the meaning of the Rainbow family and their gatherings. I was incredibly surprised to find out the connection to the Hopi Indian prophecy and the shift that we are experiencing in 2012. This was the gathering I am meant to be at. Again, spirit took a hold of my actions and led me to Synthesis 2012 festival at Chichen Itza for the solstice. I saw the flyer, looked at the keynote speakers and musicians and bought my ticket at 3:30 am. I had no idea how I would get there or any details about the festival, but I did know that with this group I would have entrance to Chichen Itza and be doing ceremony with Mayan Elders on December 21, 2012 - the day the Mayan Calendar ends. Essentially, the festival is bringing in a new age, and my heart swells with joy when I think about being a part of it. All of the sudden, I had a full schedule bringing me into the New Year. My path was laid before me, and I am fully committed to it.
The week before I left was extremely tranformative for me. I cried for hours a day, I sang songs, played music, ate lots of chocolate, and then had the opportunity to take Loren Poin up to Mt. Katahdin in Maine for his wedding stag. Kyle, Loren and I arrived at our private cabin on Sunday Pond in the evening. I swore that I could see the moon rising above the mountain. I beckoned the guys to join me on the pond to enjoy the shooting stars, the still pond, and the bright sight of the Milky Way galaxy above us. We were all in awe of the beauty and stillness that surrounded us; when we couldn´t imagine anything greater, the Aurora Borealis (northern lights) danced on the ridge of Mt. Katahdin. We sat there with our jaws to the ground, shivering in the cold for almost an hour. Green lights glowed in the night, taking mysterious shapes as they moved through the night sky. It was a beautiful omen that they following days were going to be filled with magic.
As we rose the next morning for our hike, I packed my father´s ashes on my back. I have lived in his shadow for 26 years, and it was time to release him to the ethers and become my own man. For the next few hours, we merrily hiked up the mountain. Revelations of all sorts were coming to us. I realized that it was extremely important to live the life of a samurai when I went on my trip to Central America. It is a great opportunity for me to grow as a human, but I cannot be distracted by women or fear. As I walked barefoot through the snowy earth, my committment to myself grew strong and I knew I was ready to grow into my true self.
We were about to reach the summit when we heard the hoots and hollers of a bunch of ¨through hikers¨ Most of them had been hiking for 6 month on the long 2200 mile hike on the Appalachian trail. This was there final destination, and it was time for them to celebrate. We reached the peak and I found a smooth rock to sit and contemplate my next move. I saw two choices before me: I could either empty my dad´s ashes privately, or I could ask the help of all these wonderful hikers to join me in ceremony to release my dad. Although fear of rejection panged at my being, I knew that speaking up was a first step in becoming a man. I asked for everyone´s attention, and asked for their participation in ceremony. 21 of us held hands in a circle around my father´s ashes, prayed to Great Spirit, and let out 3 long Oms and 3 long Akaals. In silence, I grabbed my fathers ashes, found a cliff face, cut the bag open and let a gust of wind spiral the ashes to the heavens. Absolutely beautiful. I nimbly climbed to the exact summit, a pile of rocks laid by hikers, and sprinkled the remaining ashes on the rocks. In victory, we saluted the spirits together and then shared tears and hugs. Many hearts had been touch. I am in complete gratitude for the brave souls that joined me in ceremony and in helping me to take my first steps toward true manhood.
After an incredible wedding ceremony for Loren and Rebecca and an awesome birthday party with my family, I boarded my plane to Guatemala. Fear began to enter my being. Was this going to be similar to India. Am I going to get ill? Will I know where I am going? I will be all alone....etc.etc.etc. I reached peace when I got off the plane, entered a shuttle, pulled my Ukulele out and strummed it a few times, laughed at by a few locals and labeled as ¨Loco¨. It was a long journey to San Marcos. I arrived at my hostel late at night and was absolutely exhausted. My wonderful hosts showed me to my room and said goodnight. I put my bags down, turned around, and was greeted by 5 massive spiders.
Why? I wanted to laugh, but I was so tired. I walked out of my room, asked my hosts what kind of spiders were living in my room, and hung my head as they told me ¨no worries, they are everywhere.¨ Luckily, a vibrant, young woman heard me from the room next door. She came out laughing, sat with me on my porch and gave me permission to kill the spiders. I thought of my mom´s yoga teacher Susan. She said, if you need to kill an insect, do it quick! I took her advice and quickly cleared my room of the 8 legged creatures.
Anna, a 21 year old from D.C. but directly coming from a 2 year stay in Australia, was full of wonderful energy and comforting conversation. We stayed up and chatted for a few hours about our life journey and where we are now. Interestingly enough, we share similar experiences. She was supposed to be traveling with her love, but they broke up and went their own way. She is now here cleansing emotion and getting in touch with her true self. We connected on a very safe, spiritual, and non-threatening way. At the end of the day, we both just want to love ourselves deeper. I am so happy to have met Anna. She has been in Guatemala for a few weeks and is filled with tips and stories.
This morning I woke up in a groggy, jet lagged haze. Anna greeted me with a smile and let me know of a Cacao ceremony that was going to be taking place that afternoon. YES! After a beautiful breakfast and a quick tour of the amazing town of San Marcos, we headed to the Shaman Sufi´s house for the ceremony. I immediately got incredible feelings from Sufi. She purified me with white sage and a turkey feather. Her intuition led her to clear energy from my right elbow, a place that I broke a couple of years ago and has continued to cause me stagnation in energy and little bits of pain. She is the real deal.
7 of us sat around a circle and drank a high dose of ceremonial Mayan chocolate with chili, flower essences, and raw sugar. Sufi began to lead us through meditation and I found myself deep inside my broken heart. I was feeling all the space that had been created and accepting what I had gone through. I knew that I was going to be a stronger person from this experience, but I need to persevere. After an hour or so, Sufi sat directly across from me and began a 1 on 1 healing session. She pierced right through my being. She could see all that was happening inside me and was able to clearly articulate it. I had no doubt that I am meant to be here at this moment working with the Cacao Spirit. This experience was incredibly real, clear and sober, and heart opening.
Sufi told me that my heart was filled with an incredible amount of love, but for some reason I was holding it in. I was scared to let it out. Through a guided meditation, I arrived at a book filled with golden pages. The book contained an agreement that I made with myself through many lifetimes of trial and error. In the past, I have let my love shine and literally been burned at the cross because of it. In this lifetime, I have been scared to be my true self and let all my love out. I can cry right now thinking about it. Sufi guided me through a process where I let go of my old agreement and created a new one. I no longer need to protect myself. In this life, I am meant to shine and spread light and love. In fact, I need to. This is the only way that I will ever be happy and whole. An immediate sense of love and relaxation swept over my whole being.
Sufi continued to search inside my being. She told me that I was being pulled in two different directions. A part of me wants to live in the mountains, grow a beard, and be a complete mystical yogi. The other part of me wants to be on earth, love a woman, teach, and have a family. According to Sufi, I have lived many lifetimes as a mystic and it is time for me to come to earth. In fact, I cannot grow spiritually any farther until I do. This means, leaving behind the disciplined life of a yogi and embracing being a human. She said it was incredibly important for me to be with my divine partner and practice tantric love making. This is my personal Sadhana. Pure light filled me as I tried to release the feeling that I need to be a Shakti Pranified yogi. I have experienced that, and now I need to live in divine union with another being and reach the heavens through physical love. WaheGuru! Later she shared with me that my highest divine partner was with me and all she wants to do is love me. She loves me exactly for who I am, and one day we will unite in pure love to grow together and create a family on earth.
My heart has been touched by the Cacao spirit and the spirit of Lake Atitlan. I am blessed an grateful. I love you all.
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