Living life as an intense male has its ups and downs. I get to play all over the world, I have endless energy and strength, and life becomes a game in the physical world. On the other hand, I get hurt, don´t understand subtle communications, and am constantly running in high gear.
Today I hiked deep into the canyon behind San Marcos. I followed local foot paths and skipped on rocks up the river. The scenery is absolutely epic. Surrounded by lush jungle, gushing waterfalls, chirping birds, blooming flowers, and looking back on a shimmering lake surrounded by volcanoes and mountains. Spending the day in silence reminded me of how fast my brain works. It wants to do something always, nonstop. It doesn´t even mind going over the same thing over and over again. Sometimes, my brain acts like a spinning record on repeat. Extremely frustrating.
Walking barefoot has helped me to stay present and keep my brain focused on the present moment. When my mind wanders, I stub a toe or slip on a rock. Quite simple. Perhaps this is why I have loved intense sports my whole life: they force me to be 100% in the moment.
Women tend to surrender quite easy. It happens many times in relationship, and this sometimes leads to the woman losing herself or merging with her partner. A woman´s ability to surrender naturally opens her up to the spiritual realm. For when we surrender and let go, our being is filled with synchronicity and bliss. Since I am a fiery male, I have had a tough time surrendering to anyone or anything. In fact, most of the time I have one hand on my sword ready for the unexpected. I am ready to let this go. I am ready to surrender. No expectations, no fear.
I go into the darkroom in less than two weeks. I am doing my best to prepare, mentally, emotionally and physically. I am excited to be by myself, to stretch, meditate and refresh my being. Physically, I am strong and healthy. I am eating mostly raw and staying conscious to my body´s interaction with the food that I am eating. Emotionally, I am doing my best. When I am surrounded by lightworkers, I am in bliss. When I go to the woods, I face the pain in my heart and ask my sweet mother earth to take it. All in all, the 2012 shift is happening, and it is all inside of you.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Thunder Being
There is an extreme amount of energy in San Marcos. It is an absolute vortex. I feel like I am in a time warp. So many things happen in such a small amount of time. I am spinning into myself. finding my root and staying open to all that is happening around me.
The full moon illuminates the lake at night, allowing for late night, barefoot hikes. Ceremony has been a daily part of life, but last night we made an epic fire on a mayan alter facing the San Pedro Volcano. Sufi sprinkled honey, flowers, rose water, and other offerings into the fire. A powerful ceremony that left me exhausted and ready to just be happy. I have no more expectations, do not want to make plans, hold on to fears, or do much of anything. I prefer to be a pillar of divine light, walking in grace, living moment by moment.
A storm has brought up a bunch of emotion today. I am ready to purge and be clean and clear. No attachment.
Wahe Blessings.
The full moon illuminates the lake at night, allowing for late night, barefoot hikes. Ceremony has been a daily part of life, but last night we made an epic fire on a mayan alter facing the San Pedro Volcano. Sufi sprinkled honey, flowers, rose water, and other offerings into the fire. A powerful ceremony that left me exhausted and ready to just be happy. I have no more expectations, do not want to make plans, hold on to fears, or do much of anything. I prefer to be a pillar of divine light, walking in grace, living moment by moment.
A storm has brought up a bunch of emotion today. I am ready to purge and be clean and clear. No attachment.
Wahe Blessings.
Monday, October 29, 2012
I lived through another earthquake the other day. The earth is shifting, I am into it.
Every day we are involved in ceremony of sorts. Bringing out the garbage, healing each other, bringing light to the lake. Yesterday I felt like I arrived at the cliff´s edge. I am ready to take the final plunge, let go of myself as myself, embrace my being, and fall into the void.
This path is extremely scary, super fun, always changing. Sufi, my wonderful Finnish shamanic friend, is certain that we are approaching the time where peace will prevail on earth. Her ceremony opens hearts, allows people to cry, brings up anger and screaming, and gives everyone a sense of peace and harmony. Her intuition is strong, and I am happy to be working with her and the cacao spirit on a daily basis. Cacao ceremony is now a daily ritual, along with music and dance.
I absolutely love it down here. The food is so fresh and delicious, people friendly, music on the streets, not too much noise, footpaths everywhere through the forest, waterfalls, cliff jumping, boat rides, and lots of love. Sufi has a vision of opening a healing space involving a conscious community. I am into it, but the Carribbean sea has been calling me very strongly the past few days. I want to swim with the colorful fish, drum and strum on the beach, bask in the sunlight, and plunge my being into the sand.
Another part of me is anticipating the Rainbow gathering. My plan at this point is to build a Tipi. During construction, there are many beautiful Rainbow folks that are willing to share there space. The gathering in Coban, Guatemala is going to be open through the New Year. Over $100,000 was recently donated to the gathering to buy land and create a conscious, sustainable community. I am so psyched to be a part of this awakening and gathering of brothers and sisters. Originally, the plan was to go to Palenque for December, but it looks like that might be shifted due to unexpected sketchy energy in Palenque (cops, locals, etc.). Please come down to Coban and join us in the sunshine, growing food, playing music, bringing peace from the heavens to the earth.
Love Love Love!
Every day we are involved in ceremony of sorts. Bringing out the garbage, healing each other, bringing light to the lake. Yesterday I felt like I arrived at the cliff´s edge. I am ready to take the final plunge, let go of myself as myself, embrace my being, and fall into the void.
This path is extremely scary, super fun, always changing. Sufi, my wonderful Finnish shamanic friend, is certain that we are approaching the time where peace will prevail on earth. Her ceremony opens hearts, allows people to cry, brings up anger and screaming, and gives everyone a sense of peace and harmony. Her intuition is strong, and I am happy to be working with her and the cacao spirit on a daily basis. Cacao ceremony is now a daily ritual, along with music and dance.
I absolutely love it down here. The food is so fresh and delicious, people friendly, music on the streets, not too much noise, footpaths everywhere through the forest, waterfalls, cliff jumping, boat rides, and lots of love. Sufi has a vision of opening a healing space involving a conscious community. I am into it, but the Carribbean sea has been calling me very strongly the past few days. I want to swim with the colorful fish, drum and strum on the beach, bask in the sunlight, and plunge my being into the sand.
Another part of me is anticipating the Rainbow gathering. My plan at this point is to build a Tipi. During construction, there are many beautiful Rainbow folks that are willing to share there space. The gathering in Coban, Guatemala is going to be open through the New Year. Over $100,000 was recently donated to the gathering to buy land and create a conscious, sustainable community. I am so psyched to be a part of this awakening and gathering of brothers and sisters. Originally, the plan was to go to Palenque for December, but it looks like that might be shifted due to unexpected sketchy energy in Palenque (cops, locals, etc.). Please come down to Coban and join us in the sunshine, growing food, playing music, bringing peace from the heavens to the earth.
Love Love Love!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Twisted System
I feel like I am going to Puke. Not because I have been walking the streets of Guatemala barefoot for the past week, but because emotion is twisting my insides. I feel like I have been here for weeks, months, perhaps years. Time seems to be moving in some crazy vortex down here. People´s conversations traveling through different dimensions, spiritual awakenings, realizations, and lots of love being shared.
The past few days have been filled with all sorts of adventure: cliff jumping, boat rides, teaching yoga to local dudes, exploring the most colorful clothing ever, cacao ceremonies, work opportunities, beautiful sunshine, wild oyster mushroom harvesting, fruit gathering, and living in a blissful space amongst chaos.
The traveling life is extremely transient. You meet someone, the next day they are gone. Perhaps they are around for a week or two, but then split on their own way. Others become life long friends or journeying mates. Around the Lake, there are handfuls of humans that I look forward to staying in touch with and spreading positive vibrations. Particularly the ¨Pirates¨ staying in the house in San Pedro. Chaz with one eye missing living the path of the shamanic pirate, Sean with the power of Poseidon, Dan - chi gong and life master, Tyler chill as can be, James bringing the Hawaiin energy.
I spent the day over at The Pirate house yesterday. I had the blessing to spontaneously teach these dudes a fusion class of Kundalini, chi gong, and acro yoga. Then we all took the boat back to my hostel and I taught a class open to the public there as well. This class was different though, we began with an intense Kundalini set, then drank ceremonial Cacao that I prepared, then came together for heart centered mediations, chanting, and partner healing. It was an incredibly high vibrational day. About 12 of us ended the night with heart hugs, mayan handshakes, and Oming with great spirit.
In the evening I climbed into an ancient sauna with two friends. We sweat, rubbed rose salts on our bodies, and sang sweet songs. Absolutely marvelous. The night ended with a swim under the moonlight in the lake. Surrounded by volcanoes, the water shimmering with milky moonlight, I felt free. At that moment, I felt like I was in another home of mine. I am beginning to inquire about retreat space for possible Chocolate Yoga retreats.
My dreams shook me up a bit last night, and I woke up to receive a couple random messages on the internet. I have been easily avoiding all technology, and I am reminded of why today. Spending the day playing Ukulele on a mountain and Kirtan chanting has not yet cleared this energy.
I have come to the complete conclusion and understanding that I need to spend time loving myself, and only myself. I still feel broken inside, and as much as I want to share my love with everyone, it is beginning to deplete me. I will recharge and prepare for the Rainbow Gathering. Blessings.
The past few days have been filled with all sorts of adventure: cliff jumping, boat rides, teaching yoga to local dudes, exploring the most colorful clothing ever, cacao ceremonies, work opportunities, beautiful sunshine, wild oyster mushroom harvesting, fruit gathering, and living in a blissful space amongst chaos.
The traveling life is extremely transient. You meet someone, the next day they are gone. Perhaps they are around for a week or two, but then split on their own way. Others become life long friends or journeying mates. Around the Lake, there are handfuls of humans that I look forward to staying in touch with and spreading positive vibrations. Particularly the ¨Pirates¨ staying in the house in San Pedro. Chaz with one eye missing living the path of the shamanic pirate, Sean with the power of Poseidon, Dan - chi gong and life master, Tyler chill as can be, James bringing the Hawaiin energy.
I spent the day over at The Pirate house yesterday. I had the blessing to spontaneously teach these dudes a fusion class of Kundalini, chi gong, and acro yoga. Then we all took the boat back to my hostel and I taught a class open to the public there as well. This class was different though, we began with an intense Kundalini set, then drank ceremonial Cacao that I prepared, then came together for heart centered mediations, chanting, and partner healing. It was an incredibly high vibrational day. About 12 of us ended the night with heart hugs, mayan handshakes, and Oming with great spirit.
In the evening I climbed into an ancient sauna with two friends. We sweat, rubbed rose salts on our bodies, and sang sweet songs. Absolutely marvelous. The night ended with a swim under the moonlight in the lake. Surrounded by volcanoes, the water shimmering with milky moonlight, I felt free. At that moment, I felt like I was in another home of mine. I am beginning to inquire about retreat space for possible Chocolate Yoga retreats.
My dreams shook me up a bit last night, and I woke up to receive a couple random messages on the internet. I have been easily avoiding all technology, and I am reminded of why today. Spending the day playing Ukulele on a mountain and Kirtan chanting has not yet cleared this energy.
I have come to the complete conclusion and understanding that I need to spend time loving myself, and only myself. I still feel broken inside, and as much as I want to share my love with everyone, it is beginning to deplete me. I will recharge and prepare for the Rainbow Gathering. Blessings.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
El Camino del Guerrero
I am blessed and in deep gratitude for all around me. Sufi, my chocolate finish shaman friend, threw a potluck-fire gathering for her birthday on October 18th. I adopted the job as wood carrier along with a Anna and Lars, a nor-cal Rainbow buddy carrying a kitten in his overall pouch. When we arrived at the party in the river valley, things were in full swing. I felt at home. I was surrounded by brothers and sisters vibrating with the changing earth, fully awake, alive and making a change. Almost the entire group will be attending the Rainbow Gatherings - which is now being referred to as the ¨Gathering of the World Tribes.¨ It seemed like everyone had an epic tale of living in the woods, building structures, playing music...all things that are resonate with me. Other than my Kundalini family, I have never felt so at home. Bless.
The Rainbow family is brilliantly courageous, at least from what I have exerienced so far. More than anything, everyone wants to be in the woods living more sustainablely. I encourage everyone to join the gathering of tribes, it is going to be an epic beginning to world peace. Love, light, music, laughter, chanting, yoga, cooking, dancing.
If you are traveling through Guatemala or Mexico and can bring me a tent, I would forever appreciate it!
I experienced a regression therapy session with Sufi yesterday. I ate a copious amount of high potent cacao, and meditated and moved for just a bit. Sufi laid me down, holding a beautiful crystal over my heart, Snatam Kaur´s voice and candles warming othe room. She began a visualization mediation with me, walking me in my mind´s eye through a portal, into a different dimension. I experienced myself as a gigantic ape man who just discovered a massive emerald of life. A beam of divine green light moved between the heavens and the emerald. I was deteremined to build a over the stone in celebration of it. I quickly saw beauty in everything, hopped on my pet dragon and took off laughing as we flew through canyons. We flew through a waterfall, into a cave and went face to face with a massive wolf. The wolf pounced on my chest, I was unscathed and fearless, Sufi reassuring me that it was a power animal. The worl became energy and merged with my being. We became one. On all fours, I looked out of the cave, at my dragon, and took off through the waterfall. I warped through time, into Egyptian times. Nephrititi´s name was booming in the white canvas tent filled with jewels and exotic fabrics. It was my duty to help with the carving of sacred geometrical designs on the capstone of the period. I feared the motive behind the order was power of humanity. I went through with it anyways. I spiraled through sacred geometrical vortexes, slaving over equations and figures. My third eye pulsing out of my forehead, I laid paralyzed as the cacao spirit and Sufi continued to guide me through different lifetimes, memories, and experiences until the present. Through my 3 hour journey with cacao, I realize and recognize that I need to slow down and enjoy the music. Perhaps I am here to clean up the crap that I am partially responsible in a previous life. I will not listen to other´s words, and listen to them in my own heart before acting. I left the ceremony exhausted but inspired.
The night ended with sangria, delicious deserts and dancing to latin music. I woke this morning in disbelief that I have only been here for a few days. It feels like the lifetimes. I have met so many wonderful people and had incredible experiences thus far. I am open to all family that wishes to join me at the gatherings.
I will have the blessing of teaching a yoga class at Kaivalya.
Coconuts, avacados, and all sorts of fresh fruits and veggies are in extreme abundance down here. Lots of Aloha.
The Rainbow family is brilliantly courageous, at least from what I have exerienced so far. More than anything, everyone wants to be in the woods living more sustainablely. I encourage everyone to join the gathering of tribes, it is going to be an epic beginning to world peace. Love, light, music, laughter, chanting, yoga, cooking, dancing.
If you are traveling through Guatemala or Mexico and can bring me a tent, I would forever appreciate it!
I experienced a regression therapy session with Sufi yesterday. I ate a copious amount of high potent cacao, and meditated and moved for just a bit. Sufi laid me down, holding a beautiful crystal over my heart, Snatam Kaur´s voice and candles warming othe room. She began a visualization mediation with me, walking me in my mind´s eye through a portal, into a different dimension. I experienced myself as a gigantic ape man who just discovered a massive emerald of life. A beam of divine green light moved between the heavens and the emerald. I was deteremined to build a over the stone in celebration of it. I quickly saw beauty in everything, hopped on my pet dragon and took off laughing as we flew through canyons. We flew through a waterfall, into a cave and went face to face with a massive wolf. The wolf pounced on my chest, I was unscathed and fearless, Sufi reassuring me that it was a power animal. The worl became energy and merged with my being. We became one. On all fours, I looked out of the cave, at my dragon, and took off through the waterfall. I warped through time, into Egyptian times. Nephrititi´s name was booming in the white canvas tent filled with jewels and exotic fabrics. It was my duty to help with the carving of sacred geometrical designs on the capstone of the period. I feared the motive behind the order was power of humanity. I went through with it anyways. I spiraled through sacred geometrical vortexes, slaving over equations and figures. My third eye pulsing out of my forehead, I laid paralyzed as the cacao spirit and Sufi continued to guide me through different lifetimes, memories, and experiences until the present. Through my 3 hour journey with cacao, I realize and recognize that I need to slow down and enjoy the music. Perhaps I am here to clean up the crap that I am partially responsible in a previous life. I will not listen to other´s words, and listen to them in my own heart before acting. I left the ceremony exhausted but inspired.
The night ended with sangria, delicious deserts and dancing to latin music. I woke this morning in disbelief that I have only been here for a few days. It feels like the lifetimes. I have met so many wonderful people and had incredible experiences thus far. I am open to all family that wishes to join me at the gatherings.
I will have the blessing of teaching a yoga class at Kaivalya.
Coconuts, avacados, and all sorts of fresh fruits and veggies are in extreme abundance down here. Lots of Aloha.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Magic
San Marcos is filled with Magic and wonderful people. Walls are painted with vibrant colors, shops filled with beautiful mayan artists, excellent fresh fruit and chocolate everywhere, happy children skipping through the streets dribbling soccer balls or trying to make a buck, travelers with open hearts and wide smiles, laughing, music, hugs, and lots of love. Not to mention the deliciously green scenerary. I wake up in the morning to the sun rising over the volcano as it illuminates the mystical lake Atitlan. In the early morning, we chant Sanskrit mantra with our hostel mates, then a 3 hour Hridaya yoga class begins. During this time, I have found playing the Ukulele, working on my Spanish, and nurturing my soul with chocolate has been perfect for me. Adventures are never ending here as travelers with excited bodies and minds are coming through and ready to explore the bounty that surrounds us.
Yesterday morning I met a wonderful soul named Wayne. He served in the military and served as a "horse" professional poker player in Las Vegas ( literally being backed by investors to play poker 24/7). Somehow, he escaped the dark hole of Vegas and made it into the woods, oceans and mountains. His soul was refreshed and recharged. He had awoken. On this morning, he stood before me wide eyed, radiant, and grinning with two space cookies in his hands.
Needless to say, the adventure had just begun. We jumped on a boat across the lake to San Pedro in order to meet with a group of 8 travelers. They rented a house together for the month right on the lake. The friends met a local Gringo named Bruce who shared an interesting story with them and promised a workshop on this very day.
There is a sunken city in the middle of Lake Atitlan. According to local Mayans, it is an Atlantian city marked by a massive pyramid. This year, the rainy season was dry, but the lake rose an abnormal amount. When my plane landed a few days ago, I was greeted with an earthquake. It was the second one here in just a few days. All these are signs, according to locals, that the city is rising once again! Now, Bruce has apparently been in contact with these sentinent beings. Through meditation, he left his body, went under water and shared dialogue with spirts of the lake. Like a little child, I skipped through the streets of San Pedro in excitement for the ceremony that was waiting us!
Meanwhile, Wayne and I dove into a deep conversation about prescence. So often human beings become robotic. It is very obvious when people travel. With one hand on their lonely planet, earbuds plugged into an iPod, many travelers are always talking about "what is next." I am as guilty as the next person, and I am trying my hardest not too look into the future, rather, enjoy the moment that I am in. The future will be waiting for me when I get there! Along these same lines, we discussed "expectations." As humans, we label everything as good, bad, neutral, etc. Usually, if we think something is "good" for us, then it serves us in a positive way. If we beat ourself up for something we have been programmed to think as bad, it becomes negative. I am certainly guilty of creating expectations, especially most recently in my previous relationship. For some crazy reason, I had an idea of what I should be and what she should be. Living in this way is stifling and does not allow for creative flow or unique interaction. Trying to fit into some mold that was shaped by our ancestors makes no sense. The time is now. Be you. Be love.
As we walked through the peaceful streets, I realized how light life is when you do not expect anything from it. We are all blessed in one way or another. Let us live in our truth and bath in the beauty that is everywhere. I am over trying to define myself or to fit into society. Spirit is infinite, colorful, loud, crazy, loving, peaceful, intense, calm and it flows through each and every one of us. Let it flow however it needs to flow to resonate with earth and to create harmony with each other. We are all a beautiful orchestra of angels on earth; grab a drum, some spoons, a stringed instrument, a horn, whatever and let us make beautiful music together. We have so much potential.
We arrived at the house on the lake and were greeted by one-eyed pirate Chaz. Tattooed on his right peck is a pirate ship and his eye was blasted out by a landmine in Afghanistan. Such a grounded fellow. We sat down for a chat and I noticed the massive pirate flag blowing in the wind. My heart fluttered because the night before I dreamt of my pirate flag. Was the life of a pirate possibley in my destiny cards? I grabbed a drum and found the beat of the earth. Spirit flowed through me and I began chanting in all different Native tongues and banging on this drum. I watched intensly as a Mayan family swam with their beautiful black lab. Giggling as the crazy Gringo sang his heart out, the little children splashed and lived in innocence.
The vibrations were high, but extremely wierd. Me gusta mucho! The house mates arrived and were all bright eyed, long haired southern california brothers. We exchanged hugs and bienvenidos. All were planning on going up to Palenque for the Rainbow Gathering but staying on the lake for now. Bruce arrived and we gathered for the ceremony. Now, I thought we were going to be traveling etherically under the lake, or helping the city arrive, but that was not what happened. We basically got in a chi gong stance, grounded our energy, then helped partner ground their energy and spiral each chakra. Most everyone was unfamiliar with grounding, chakras, and kundalini energy. I was biting my lip throughout the workshop because I always had something to say, but I held myself back since it was Bruce's workshop. Another sign that I need to be teaching, otherwise I am going to go nuts.
Wayne and I left the workshop a bit early to grab some food. Both of us were a bit disappointed, and we immediately realized what we did. We "expected" something from the workshop, and it did not happen. Lessons will continue to be repeated until they are learned. I believe Einstein once said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This is the pattern humanity has been stuck in, but we are breaking it now. We are waking up. Let us be aware of every breath, for Pavan Guru is our greatest ally.
I was able to take advantage of the beautiful yoga space at the hostel this morning. I woke to an incredible Kundalini set to help me "withstand the pressure of time." I highly recomend that set, I beleive it is in a level 2 manual if you have one. My good friend Anna joined me toward the tail end for partner acro yoga and a little bit of flying. I feel clear, grounded, and ready to go with the flow of the universe. I am in San Pedro now, and was just measured for a custom pair of leather beaded shaman boots. Sufi, my cacao shaman, is celebrating her birthday tonight with a fire ceremony, flower teas and pot luck. I love this place and all the people that live here. Come join if you'd like. We are waiting with open arms, hugs, and lots of love!
Yesterday morning I met a wonderful soul named Wayne. He served in the military and served as a "horse" professional poker player in Las Vegas ( literally being backed by investors to play poker 24/7). Somehow, he escaped the dark hole of Vegas and made it into the woods, oceans and mountains. His soul was refreshed and recharged. He had awoken. On this morning, he stood before me wide eyed, radiant, and grinning with two space cookies in his hands.
Needless to say, the adventure had just begun. We jumped on a boat across the lake to San Pedro in order to meet with a group of 8 travelers. They rented a house together for the month right on the lake. The friends met a local Gringo named Bruce who shared an interesting story with them and promised a workshop on this very day.
There is a sunken city in the middle of Lake Atitlan. According to local Mayans, it is an Atlantian city marked by a massive pyramid. This year, the rainy season was dry, but the lake rose an abnormal amount. When my plane landed a few days ago, I was greeted with an earthquake. It was the second one here in just a few days. All these are signs, according to locals, that the city is rising once again! Now, Bruce has apparently been in contact with these sentinent beings. Through meditation, he left his body, went under water and shared dialogue with spirts of the lake. Like a little child, I skipped through the streets of San Pedro in excitement for the ceremony that was waiting us!
Meanwhile, Wayne and I dove into a deep conversation about prescence. So often human beings become robotic. It is very obvious when people travel. With one hand on their lonely planet, earbuds plugged into an iPod, many travelers are always talking about "what is next." I am as guilty as the next person, and I am trying my hardest not too look into the future, rather, enjoy the moment that I am in. The future will be waiting for me when I get there! Along these same lines, we discussed "expectations." As humans, we label everything as good, bad, neutral, etc. Usually, if we think something is "good" for us, then it serves us in a positive way. If we beat ourself up for something we have been programmed to think as bad, it becomes negative. I am certainly guilty of creating expectations, especially most recently in my previous relationship. For some crazy reason, I had an idea of what I should be and what she should be. Living in this way is stifling and does not allow for creative flow or unique interaction. Trying to fit into some mold that was shaped by our ancestors makes no sense. The time is now. Be you. Be love.
As we walked through the peaceful streets, I realized how light life is when you do not expect anything from it. We are all blessed in one way or another. Let us live in our truth and bath in the beauty that is everywhere. I am over trying to define myself or to fit into society. Spirit is infinite, colorful, loud, crazy, loving, peaceful, intense, calm and it flows through each and every one of us. Let it flow however it needs to flow to resonate with earth and to create harmony with each other. We are all a beautiful orchestra of angels on earth; grab a drum, some spoons, a stringed instrument, a horn, whatever and let us make beautiful music together. We have so much potential.
We arrived at the house on the lake and were greeted by one-eyed pirate Chaz. Tattooed on his right peck is a pirate ship and his eye was blasted out by a landmine in Afghanistan. Such a grounded fellow. We sat down for a chat and I noticed the massive pirate flag blowing in the wind. My heart fluttered because the night before I dreamt of my pirate flag. Was the life of a pirate possibley in my destiny cards? I grabbed a drum and found the beat of the earth. Spirit flowed through me and I began chanting in all different Native tongues and banging on this drum. I watched intensly as a Mayan family swam with their beautiful black lab. Giggling as the crazy Gringo sang his heart out, the little children splashed and lived in innocence.
The vibrations were high, but extremely wierd. Me gusta mucho! The house mates arrived and were all bright eyed, long haired southern california brothers. We exchanged hugs and bienvenidos. All were planning on going up to Palenque for the Rainbow Gathering but staying on the lake for now. Bruce arrived and we gathered for the ceremony. Now, I thought we were going to be traveling etherically under the lake, or helping the city arrive, but that was not what happened. We basically got in a chi gong stance, grounded our energy, then helped partner ground their energy and spiral each chakra. Most everyone was unfamiliar with grounding, chakras, and kundalini energy. I was biting my lip throughout the workshop because I always had something to say, but I held myself back since it was Bruce's workshop. Another sign that I need to be teaching, otherwise I am going to go nuts.
Wayne and I left the workshop a bit early to grab some food. Both of us were a bit disappointed, and we immediately realized what we did. We "expected" something from the workshop, and it did not happen. Lessons will continue to be repeated until they are learned. I believe Einstein once said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This is the pattern humanity has been stuck in, but we are breaking it now. We are waking up. Let us be aware of every breath, for Pavan Guru is our greatest ally.
I was able to take advantage of the beautiful yoga space at the hostel this morning. I woke to an incredible Kundalini set to help me "withstand the pressure of time." I highly recomend that set, I beleive it is in a level 2 manual if you have one. My good friend Anna joined me toward the tail end for partner acro yoga and a little bit of flying. I feel clear, grounded, and ready to go with the flow of the universe. I am in San Pedro now, and was just measured for a custom pair of leather beaded shaman boots. Sufi, my cacao shaman, is celebrating her birthday tonight with a fire ceremony, flower teas and pot luck. I love this place and all the people that live here. Come join if you'd like. We are waiting with open arms, hugs, and lots of love!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Guatemala
Wahe Guru!
I am on a journey surrounded by light and love. It is my blessing to share insight and adventure with my students, friends and family. I had aversion to writing this blog, but I continue to receive messages from all different angles requesting a story...so here it is.
For a long time, I knew that it was important for me to be a part of 2012 ceremony - no matter where it was. I am transitioning, growing, collecting, and accepting the responsibility of a Man. It has been quite the journey so far. One with many ups, downs, sideways, laughs, cries, sickness, radiant health, dolphins, love, heartache, yoga, music, and heart opening Wahe Guru.
My first thought was Peru. I am aware that the earth´s kundalini energy has been shifting for quite some time, and will eventually be stable in the Andes mountains of South America. I love mountains, and high vibrational energy is extremely appealing to me, especially at this point in my life. I have trained with educators, atheletes, yogis, cooks, and been psychoanalyzed by many women! I appreciate all the teachings, wisdom, and knowledge that have been shared with me, and I was ready to experience the teaching of the Shaman. A spiritual discipline that was crushed by westerners, and one that the earth desperately needs in the time of chaos we live in. Peru, they have shaman there...
During my time in Hawaii, I discovered a Chocolate Shaman. Wow I though! I don´t have to psychedelically trip out to study shamanic tradition. Sure, plant medicine can be useful, but it is super intense and can seriously damage a being if they are mislead or not ready for the experience. On the other hand, ingesting ceremonial dosages of Cacao, chocolate in it´s purest form, is a gentle way to move into your heart space in order to renew, revitalize, and grow. Cacao is also delicious and super nutritious. It is packed full of magnesium and all sorts of minerals that keep you radiant, youthful, and happy. For years, I have drank raw chocolate power smoothies that I blend myself. The smoothies have always picked me up, kept me strong, and have always been a perk of my day. Not too mention that the shakes are an aphrodisiac and filled with caffeine that keep me feeling mellow and filled with divine love. Needless to say, I was interested in this chocolate shamanic tradition. I packed it away in the back of my mind and moved on with life.
I had a wonderful summer and early fall. I was blessed to be spending my every moment with a Divine
Goddess who was on the same page as me - bringing light and love on to this planet...and eating lots of chocolate. Living in uncertainty and not being able to commit fully to one another created barriers between us that led to miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a loss of individuality. Neither of us were ready for a real divine relationship that we both craved. Somewhere in our hearts and minds, we held ourselves and each other to a standard that we were not ready to reach, or perhaps that was unattainable in this human form. Either way, we rubbed each other the wrong way and created a habit of daily bickering and picking each other apart. This beautiful butterfly who I love with all of my heart needed to fly free. I could not admit this to myself, nor did I want to. I was willing to do anything to keep the relationship alive. She asked me to leave and to give her space. A clean break up. I respect her and look at her as the wisest teacher I have ever met. She rarely sent me down the wrong path, so I left.
I knew I was not going to be able to function in the United States. There is nothing there for me now. I am not ready to teach, it is going to get cold soon, and my friends and family have their own lives that they are steadily living. During my time in Maine, I was desperately trying to find a prime location for Danielle and I to travel to. We wanted to be warm, grow spiritually, and experience life to the fullest. Although I originally had an aversion to Rainbow gatherings, I continued to hear of a World Rainbow gathering taking place in Mexico with the intention to welcome in the Age of Aquarius. This seemed like a great place for the two of us to go, meet people, enjoy ceremony, dance, play music, and live barefoot like a couple of free birds. I began researching the event, but was struggling to find a concrete location and time of the gathering. I clicked here and there on various websites and was randomly led to a yoga hostel in Guatemala. They host yoga intensives, silent retreats, and sensory deprivation retreats. The hostel is extremely affordable and located on the beautiful Lake Atitlan in San Marcos. I vibed with their website and the style of yoga they teach - inspired by Ramana Maharishi and moving into a heart centered existence. These were all options, and wonderful ones.
I left Maine in complete shock. I fell in love at first sight, shared the best friendship I have ever experienced, and lived everyday with a partner who supported me and helped me grow. I had to leave, but where to go? Kayak.com is a great place to start, and when I found a ticket to Guatemala for 118$ the decision was a no brainer. On my 27th birthday, I was going to be flying to Guatemala. For the next two weeks, my heart ached, my body was nauseous, my eyes cried, and my mind was in absolute disbelief and sadness. Luckily my spirit is strong and kept me going. After I bought my plane ticket, things started to reveal themselves one after the other. I knew I was doing exactly what I was supposed to, but I was in so much pain that the love of my life was not going to be with me.
Through daily journaling and reflection, I began to understand the steps I needed to take in order to grow as a Man, a human, a lover, a partner, a teacher, and myself. I need to reach a space of living in humility, play music, accept the person I am, absorb the wisdom of all those I encounter, let go of all the ties my ancestor have on me, release the past and my attachment to my father, admit my faults, speak my truth, learn Spanish, laugh, experience silence and pray dearly to my divine mother so that she may help me to love unconditionally. I need to become me. The real me. I am committed to this journey and am excited to be living my life as it comes.
Once I bought my ticket, I was swarmed with messages of different ideas on places I should visit, pray at, and experience. Thank you all for your wonderful support and excellent ideas. I have heard them all, and my trip has unfolded accordingly. I contacted Kaivalya yoga hostel in San marcos and made reservations to join them. I read about their Dark Retreats (inspired by Chi Gong Master Mantak Chia), and quickly realized this was something I should experience. As I looked deeper into San Marcos, I found that it is one of the spiritual epicenters of central America. Also, the Chocolate Shaman resides in San Marcos and holds regular ceremony there. Everything was coming full circle and my heart was open to following the wind wherever it chose to take me.
Music is so important to my soul. I have always been timid to pick up instruments and play them, even though I dream of serenading the woman I love. Walking barefoot on the beach, strumming a beautiful instrument, and singing sweetly in her ear. I have no desire for fame, I just want to be able to let my soul sing through my instruments. I started playing the harmonium (Indian piano) but it is too big to travel with. Ukulele immediately came to my mind. I listened to some Uke tracks, read about people´s experience with it, and quickly realized that it was the instrument for me at this time. The Ukulele is Hawaiin, sounds beautiful, has 4 strings, can be easy to play yet has lots of potential (Hendrix, George Harrison, Eddie Veder play the Uke to name a few), and is the instrument of pure peace and joy. Wahe Love. Thank you Mom and Kevin for helping me find and buy my beautiful Lanakai Ukulele. I love it.
One evening I became particularly inspired by playing music, teaching a fusion yoga class, and performing Reiki and massage. I arrived home at about 3 AM and decided I was going to commit to the Rainbow Gathering. Why not? I could sing, dance, and share love with thousands of people in an important time of world evolution. That evening, I looked into the meaning of the Rainbow family and their gatherings. I was incredibly surprised to find out the connection to the Hopi Indian prophecy and the shift that we are experiencing in 2012. This was the gathering I am meant to be at. Again, spirit took a hold of my actions and led me to Synthesis 2012 festival at Chichen Itza for the solstice. I saw the flyer, looked at the keynote speakers and musicians and bought my ticket at 3:30 am. I had no idea how I would get there or any details about the festival, but I did know that with this group I would have entrance to Chichen Itza and be doing ceremony with Mayan Elders on December 21, 2012 - the day the Mayan Calendar ends. Essentially, the festival is bringing in a new age, and my heart swells with joy when I think about being a part of it. All of the sudden, I had a full schedule bringing me into the New Year. My path was laid before me, and I am fully committed to it.
The week before I left was extremely tranformative for me. I cried for hours a day, I sang songs, played music, ate lots of chocolate, and then had the opportunity to take Loren Poin up to Mt. Katahdin in Maine for his wedding stag. Kyle, Loren and I arrived at our private cabin on Sunday Pond in the evening. I swore that I could see the moon rising above the mountain. I beckoned the guys to join me on the pond to enjoy the shooting stars, the still pond, and the bright sight of the Milky Way galaxy above us. We were all in awe of the beauty and stillness that surrounded us; when we couldn´t imagine anything greater, the Aurora Borealis (northern lights) danced on the ridge of Mt. Katahdin. We sat there with our jaws to the ground, shivering in the cold for almost an hour. Green lights glowed in the night, taking mysterious shapes as they moved through the night sky. It was a beautiful omen that they following days were going to be filled with magic.
As we rose the next morning for our hike, I packed my father´s ashes on my back. I have lived in his shadow for 26 years, and it was time to release him to the ethers and become my own man. For the next few hours, we merrily hiked up the mountain. Revelations of all sorts were coming to us. I realized that it was extremely important to live the life of a samurai when I went on my trip to Central America. It is a great opportunity for me to grow as a human, but I cannot be distracted by women or fear. As I walked barefoot through the snowy earth, my committment to myself grew strong and I knew I was ready to grow into my true self.
We were about to reach the summit when we heard the hoots and hollers of a bunch of ¨through hikers¨ Most of them had been hiking for 6 month on the long 2200 mile hike on the Appalachian trail. This was there final destination, and it was time for them to celebrate. We reached the peak and I found a smooth rock to sit and contemplate my next move. I saw two choices before me: I could either empty my dad´s ashes privately, or I could ask the help of all these wonderful hikers to join me in ceremony to release my dad. Although fear of rejection panged at my being, I knew that speaking up was a first step in becoming a man. I asked for everyone´s attention, and asked for their participation in ceremony. 21 of us held hands in a circle around my father´s ashes, prayed to Great Spirit, and let out 3 long Oms and 3 long Akaals. In silence, I grabbed my fathers ashes, found a cliff face, cut the bag open and let a gust of wind spiral the ashes to the heavens. Absolutely beautiful. I nimbly climbed to the exact summit, a pile of rocks laid by hikers, and sprinkled the remaining ashes on the rocks. In victory, we saluted the spirits together and then shared tears and hugs. Many hearts had been touch. I am in complete gratitude for the brave souls that joined me in ceremony and in helping me to take my first steps toward true manhood.
After an incredible wedding ceremony for Loren and Rebecca and an awesome birthday party with my family, I boarded my plane to Guatemala. Fear began to enter my being. Was this going to be similar to India. Am I going to get ill? Will I know where I am going? I will be all alone....etc.etc.etc. I reached peace when I got off the plane, entered a shuttle, pulled my Ukulele out and strummed it a few times, laughed at by a few locals and labeled as ¨Loco¨. It was a long journey to San Marcos. I arrived at my hostel late at night and was absolutely exhausted. My wonderful hosts showed me to my room and said goodnight. I put my bags down, turned around, and was greeted by 5 massive spiders.
Why? I wanted to laugh, but I was so tired. I walked out of my room, asked my hosts what kind of spiders were living in my room, and hung my head as they told me ¨no worries, they are everywhere.¨ Luckily, a vibrant, young woman heard me from the room next door. She came out laughing, sat with me on my porch and gave me permission to kill the spiders. I thought of my mom´s yoga teacher Susan. She said, if you need to kill an insect, do it quick! I took her advice and quickly cleared my room of the 8 legged creatures.
Anna, a 21 year old from D.C. but directly coming from a 2 year stay in Australia, was full of wonderful energy and comforting conversation. We stayed up and chatted for a few hours about our life journey and where we are now. Interestingly enough, we share similar experiences. She was supposed to be traveling with her love, but they broke up and went their own way. She is now here cleansing emotion and getting in touch with her true self. We connected on a very safe, spiritual, and non-threatening way. At the end of the day, we both just want to love ourselves deeper. I am so happy to have met Anna. She has been in Guatemala for a few weeks and is filled with tips and stories.
This morning I woke up in a groggy, jet lagged haze. Anna greeted me with a smile and let me know of a Cacao ceremony that was going to be taking place that afternoon. YES! After a beautiful breakfast and a quick tour of the amazing town of San Marcos, we headed to the Shaman Sufi´s house for the ceremony. I immediately got incredible feelings from Sufi. She purified me with white sage and a turkey feather. Her intuition led her to clear energy from my right elbow, a place that I broke a couple of years ago and has continued to cause me stagnation in energy and little bits of pain. She is the real deal.
7 of us sat around a circle and drank a high dose of ceremonial Mayan chocolate with chili, flower essences, and raw sugar. Sufi began to lead us through meditation and I found myself deep inside my broken heart. I was feeling all the space that had been created and accepting what I had gone through. I knew that I was going to be a stronger person from this experience, but I need to persevere. After an hour or so, Sufi sat directly across from me and began a 1 on 1 healing session. She pierced right through my being. She could see all that was happening inside me and was able to clearly articulate it. I had no doubt that I am meant to be here at this moment working with the Cacao Spirit. This experience was incredibly real, clear and sober, and heart opening.
Sufi told me that my heart was filled with an incredible amount of love, but for some reason I was holding it in. I was scared to let it out. Through a guided meditation, I arrived at a book filled with golden pages. The book contained an agreement that I made with myself through many lifetimes of trial and error. In the past, I have let my love shine and literally been burned at the cross because of it. In this lifetime, I have been scared to be my true self and let all my love out. I can cry right now thinking about it. Sufi guided me through a process where I let go of my old agreement and created a new one. I no longer need to protect myself. In this life, I am meant to shine and spread light and love. In fact, I need to. This is the only way that I will ever be happy and whole. An immediate sense of love and relaxation swept over my whole being.
Sufi continued to search inside my being. She told me that I was being pulled in two different directions. A part of me wants to live in the mountains, grow a beard, and be a complete mystical yogi. The other part of me wants to be on earth, love a woman, teach, and have a family. According to Sufi, I have lived many lifetimes as a mystic and it is time for me to come to earth. In fact, I cannot grow spiritually any farther until I do. This means, leaving behind the disciplined life of a yogi and embracing being a human. She said it was incredibly important for me to be with my divine partner and practice tantric love making. This is my personal Sadhana. Pure light filled me as I tried to release the feeling that I need to be a Shakti Pranified yogi. I have experienced that, and now I need to live in divine union with another being and reach the heavens through physical love. WaheGuru! Later she shared with me that my highest divine partner was with me and all she wants to do is love me. She loves me exactly for who I am, and one day we will unite in pure love to grow together and create a family on earth.
My heart has been touched by the Cacao spirit and the spirit of Lake Atitlan. I am blessed an grateful. I love you all.
I am on a journey surrounded by light and love. It is my blessing to share insight and adventure with my students, friends and family. I had aversion to writing this blog, but I continue to receive messages from all different angles requesting a story...so here it is.
For a long time, I knew that it was important for me to be a part of 2012 ceremony - no matter where it was. I am transitioning, growing, collecting, and accepting the responsibility of a Man. It has been quite the journey so far. One with many ups, downs, sideways, laughs, cries, sickness, radiant health, dolphins, love, heartache, yoga, music, and heart opening Wahe Guru.
My first thought was Peru. I am aware that the earth´s kundalini energy has been shifting for quite some time, and will eventually be stable in the Andes mountains of South America. I love mountains, and high vibrational energy is extremely appealing to me, especially at this point in my life. I have trained with educators, atheletes, yogis, cooks, and been psychoanalyzed by many women! I appreciate all the teachings, wisdom, and knowledge that have been shared with me, and I was ready to experience the teaching of the Shaman. A spiritual discipline that was crushed by westerners, and one that the earth desperately needs in the time of chaos we live in. Peru, they have shaman there...
During my time in Hawaii, I discovered a Chocolate Shaman. Wow I though! I don´t have to psychedelically trip out to study shamanic tradition. Sure, plant medicine can be useful, but it is super intense and can seriously damage a being if they are mislead or not ready for the experience. On the other hand, ingesting ceremonial dosages of Cacao, chocolate in it´s purest form, is a gentle way to move into your heart space in order to renew, revitalize, and grow. Cacao is also delicious and super nutritious. It is packed full of magnesium and all sorts of minerals that keep you radiant, youthful, and happy. For years, I have drank raw chocolate power smoothies that I blend myself. The smoothies have always picked me up, kept me strong, and have always been a perk of my day. Not too mention that the shakes are an aphrodisiac and filled with caffeine that keep me feeling mellow and filled with divine love. Needless to say, I was interested in this chocolate shamanic tradition. I packed it away in the back of my mind and moved on with life.
I had a wonderful summer and early fall. I was blessed to be spending my every moment with a Divine
Goddess who was on the same page as me - bringing light and love on to this planet...and eating lots of chocolate. Living in uncertainty and not being able to commit fully to one another created barriers between us that led to miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a loss of individuality. Neither of us were ready for a real divine relationship that we both craved. Somewhere in our hearts and minds, we held ourselves and each other to a standard that we were not ready to reach, or perhaps that was unattainable in this human form. Either way, we rubbed each other the wrong way and created a habit of daily bickering and picking each other apart. This beautiful butterfly who I love with all of my heart needed to fly free. I could not admit this to myself, nor did I want to. I was willing to do anything to keep the relationship alive. She asked me to leave and to give her space. A clean break up. I respect her and look at her as the wisest teacher I have ever met. She rarely sent me down the wrong path, so I left.
I knew I was not going to be able to function in the United States. There is nothing there for me now. I am not ready to teach, it is going to get cold soon, and my friends and family have their own lives that they are steadily living. During my time in Maine, I was desperately trying to find a prime location for Danielle and I to travel to. We wanted to be warm, grow spiritually, and experience life to the fullest. Although I originally had an aversion to Rainbow gatherings, I continued to hear of a World Rainbow gathering taking place in Mexico with the intention to welcome in the Age of Aquarius. This seemed like a great place for the two of us to go, meet people, enjoy ceremony, dance, play music, and live barefoot like a couple of free birds. I began researching the event, but was struggling to find a concrete location and time of the gathering. I clicked here and there on various websites and was randomly led to a yoga hostel in Guatemala. They host yoga intensives, silent retreats, and sensory deprivation retreats. The hostel is extremely affordable and located on the beautiful Lake Atitlan in San Marcos. I vibed with their website and the style of yoga they teach - inspired by Ramana Maharishi and moving into a heart centered existence. These were all options, and wonderful ones.
I left Maine in complete shock. I fell in love at first sight, shared the best friendship I have ever experienced, and lived everyday with a partner who supported me and helped me grow. I had to leave, but where to go? Kayak.com is a great place to start, and when I found a ticket to Guatemala for 118$ the decision was a no brainer. On my 27th birthday, I was going to be flying to Guatemala. For the next two weeks, my heart ached, my body was nauseous, my eyes cried, and my mind was in absolute disbelief and sadness. Luckily my spirit is strong and kept me going. After I bought my plane ticket, things started to reveal themselves one after the other. I knew I was doing exactly what I was supposed to, but I was in so much pain that the love of my life was not going to be with me.
Through daily journaling and reflection, I began to understand the steps I needed to take in order to grow as a Man, a human, a lover, a partner, a teacher, and myself. I need to reach a space of living in humility, play music, accept the person I am, absorb the wisdom of all those I encounter, let go of all the ties my ancestor have on me, release the past and my attachment to my father, admit my faults, speak my truth, learn Spanish, laugh, experience silence and pray dearly to my divine mother so that she may help me to love unconditionally. I need to become me. The real me. I am committed to this journey and am excited to be living my life as it comes.
Once I bought my ticket, I was swarmed with messages of different ideas on places I should visit, pray at, and experience. Thank you all for your wonderful support and excellent ideas. I have heard them all, and my trip has unfolded accordingly. I contacted Kaivalya yoga hostel in San marcos and made reservations to join them. I read about their Dark Retreats (inspired by Chi Gong Master Mantak Chia), and quickly realized this was something I should experience. As I looked deeper into San Marcos, I found that it is one of the spiritual epicenters of central America. Also, the Chocolate Shaman resides in San Marcos and holds regular ceremony there. Everything was coming full circle and my heart was open to following the wind wherever it chose to take me.
Music is so important to my soul. I have always been timid to pick up instruments and play them, even though I dream of serenading the woman I love. Walking barefoot on the beach, strumming a beautiful instrument, and singing sweetly in her ear. I have no desire for fame, I just want to be able to let my soul sing through my instruments. I started playing the harmonium (Indian piano) but it is too big to travel with. Ukulele immediately came to my mind. I listened to some Uke tracks, read about people´s experience with it, and quickly realized that it was the instrument for me at this time. The Ukulele is Hawaiin, sounds beautiful, has 4 strings, can be easy to play yet has lots of potential (Hendrix, George Harrison, Eddie Veder play the Uke to name a few), and is the instrument of pure peace and joy. Wahe Love. Thank you Mom and Kevin for helping me find and buy my beautiful Lanakai Ukulele. I love it.
One evening I became particularly inspired by playing music, teaching a fusion yoga class, and performing Reiki and massage. I arrived home at about 3 AM and decided I was going to commit to the Rainbow Gathering. Why not? I could sing, dance, and share love with thousands of people in an important time of world evolution. That evening, I looked into the meaning of the Rainbow family and their gatherings. I was incredibly surprised to find out the connection to the Hopi Indian prophecy and the shift that we are experiencing in 2012. This was the gathering I am meant to be at. Again, spirit took a hold of my actions and led me to Synthesis 2012 festival at Chichen Itza for the solstice. I saw the flyer, looked at the keynote speakers and musicians and bought my ticket at 3:30 am. I had no idea how I would get there or any details about the festival, but I did know that with this group I would have entrance to Chichen Itza and be doing ceremony with Mayan Elders on December 21, 2012 - the day the Mayan Calendar ends. Essentially, the festival is bringing in a new age, and my heart swells with joy when I think about being a part of it. All of the sudden, I had a full schedule bringing me into the New Year. My path was laid before me, and I am fully committed to it.
The week before I left was extremely tranformative for me. I cried for hours a day, I sang songs, played music, ate lots of chocolate, and then had the opportunity to take Loren Poin up to Mt. Katahdin in Maine for his wedding stag. Kyle, Loren and I arrived at our private cabin on Sunday Pond in the evening. I swore that I could see the moon rising above the mountain. I beckoned the guys to join me on the pond to enjoy the shooting stars, the still pond, and the bright sight of the Milky Way galaxy above us. We were all in awe of the beauty and stillness that surrounded us; when we couldn´t imagine anything greater, the Aurora Borealis (northern lights) danced on the ridge of Mt. Katahdin. We sat there with our jaws to the ground, shivering in the cold for almost an hour. Green lights glowed in the night, taking mysterious shapes as they moved through the night sky. It was a beautiful omen that they following days were going to be filled with magic.
As we rose the next morning for our hike, I packed my father´s ashes on my back. I have lived in his shadow for 26 years, and it was time to release him to the ethers and become my own man. For the next few hours, we merrily hiked up the mountain. Revelations of all sorts were coming to us. I realized that it was extremely important to live the life of a samurai when I went on my trip to Central America. It is a great opportunity for me to grow as a human, but I cannot be distracted by women or fear. As I walked barefoot through the snowy earth, my committment to myself grew strong and I knew I was ready to grow into my true self.
We were about to reach the summit when we heard the hoots and hollers of a bunch of ¨through hikers¨ Most of them had been hiking for 6 month on the long 2200 mile hike on the Appalachian trail. This was there final destination, and it was time for them to celebrate. We reached the peak and I found a smooth rock to sit and contemplate my next move. I saw two choices before me: I could either empty my dad´s ashes privately, or I could ask the help of all these wonderful hikers to join me in ceremony to release my dad. Although fear of rejection panged at my being, I knew that speaking up was a first step in becoming a man. I asked for everyone´s attention, and asked for their participation in ceremony. 21 of us held hands in a circle around my father´s ashes, prayed to Great Spirit, and let out 3 long Oms and 3 long Akaals. In silence, I grabbed my fathers ashes, found a cliff face, cut the bag open and let a gust of wind spiral the ashes to the heavens. Absolutely beautiful. I nimbly climbed to the exact summit, a pile of rocks laid by hikers, and sprinkled the remaining ashes on the rocks. In victory, we saluted the spirits together and then shared tears and hugs. Many hearts had been touch. I am in complete gratitude for the brave souls that joined me in ceremony and in helping me to take my first steps toward true manhood.
After an incredible wedding ceremony for Loren and Rebecca and an awesome birthday party with my family, I boarded my plane to Guatemala. Fear began to enter my being. Was this going to be similar to India. Am I going to get ill? Will I know where I am going? I will be all alone....etc.etc.etc. I reached peace when I got off the plane, entered a shuttle, pulled my Ukulele out and strummed it a few times, laughed at by a few locals and labeled as ¨Loco¨. It was a long journey to San Marcos. I arrived at my hostel late at night and was absolutely exhausted. My wonderful hosts showed me to my room and said goodnight. I put my bags down, turned around, and was greeted by 5 massive spiders.
Why? I wanted to laugh, but I was so tired. I walked out of my room, asked my hosts what kind of spiders were living in my room, and hung my head as they told me ¨no worries, they are everywhere.¨ Luckily, a vibrant, young woman heard me from the room next door. She came out laughing, sat with me on my porch and gave me permission to kill the spiders. I thought of my mom´s yoga teacher Susan. She said, if you need to kill an insect, do it quick! I took her advice and quickly cleared my room of the 8 legged creatures.
Anna, a 21 year old from D.C. but directly coming from a 2 year stay in Australia, was full of wonderful energy and comforting conversation. We stayed up and chatted for a few hours about our life journey and where we are now. Interestingly enough, we share similar experiences. She was supposed to be traveling with her love, but they broke up and went their own way. She is now here cleansing emotion and getting in touch with her true self. We connected on a very safe, spiritual, and non-threatening way. At the end of the day, we both just want to love ourselves deeper. I am so happy to have met Anna. She has been in Guatemala for a few weeks and is filled with tips and stories.
This morning I woke up in a groggy, jet lagged haze. Anna greeted me with a smile and let me know of a Cacao ceremony that was going to be taking place that afternoon. YES! After a beautiful breakfast and a quick tour of the amazing town of San Marcos, we headed to the Shaman Sufi´s house for the ceremony. I immediately got incredible feelings from Sufi. She purified me with white sage and a turkey feather. Her intuition led her to clear energy from my right elbow, a place that I broke a couple of years ago and has continued to cause me stagnation in energy and little bits of pain. She is the real deal.
7 of us sat around a circle and drank a high dose of ceremonial Mayan chocolate with chili, flower essences, and raw sugar. Sufi began to lead us through meditation and I found myself deep inside my broken heart. I was feeling all the space that had been created and accepting what I had gone through. I knew that I was going to be a stronger person from this experience, but I need to persevere. After an hour or so, Sufi sat directly across from me and began a 1 on 1 healing session. She pierced right through my being. She could see all that was happening inside me and was able to clearly articulate it. I had no doubt that I am meant to be here at this moment working with the Cacao Spirit. This experience was incredibly real, clear and sober, and heart opening.
Sufi told me that my heart was filled with an incredible amount of love, but for some reason I was holding it in. I was scared to let it out. Through a guided meditation, I arrived at a book filled with golden pages. The book contained an agreement that I made with myself through many lifetimes of trial and error. In the past, I have let my love shine and literally been burned at the cross because of it. In this lifetime, I have been scared to be my true self and let all my love out. I can cry right now thinking about it. Sufi guided me through a process where I let go of my old agreement and created a new one. I no longer need to protect myself. In this life, I am meant to shine and spread light and love. In fact, I need to. This is the only way that I will ever be happy and whole. An immediate sense of love and relaxation swept over my whole being.
Sufi continued to search inside my being. She told me that I was being pulled in two different directions. A part of me wants to live in the mountains, grow a beard, and be a complete mystical yogi. The other part of me wants to be on earth, love a woman, teach, and have a family. According to Sufi, I have lived many lifetimes as a mystic and it is time for me to come to earth. In fact, I cannot grow spiritually any farther until I do. This means, leaving behind the disciplined life of a yogi and embracing being a human. She said it was incredibly important for me to be with my divine partner and practice tantric love making. This is my personal Sadhana. Pure light filled me as I tried to release the feeling that I need to be a Shakti Pranified yogi. I have experienced that, and now I need to live in divine union with another being and reach the heavens through physical love. WaheGuru! Later she shared with me that my highest divine partner was with me and all she wants to do is love me. She loves me exactly for who I am, and one day we will unite in pure love to grow together and create a family on earth.
My heart has been touched by the Cacao spirit and the spirit of Lake Atitlan. I am blessed an grateful. I love you all.
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